difficult | calum hood

21

+"There could be 100 million people in this room ~ and my eyes would still find yours." +

It's funny how sometimes, everything just falls into place. It's funny that some people have the ability to mess with your brain and your priorities. It's funny how sometimes, you just don't care. 

Never in my life have I looked at Calum and not felt guilty for feeling this way about him, until now. Something inside of me clicked last night, and something made me realise that it's him who I want. Not a crappy friend who couldn't care less, I want him in my life. 

You don't fall for someone over 6 years and let it go too easily. 

"Should we put this here?" Luke interrupts my thoughts, him and Ashton carrying a table around, each only using one hand. 

"Yeah, yeah that looks good." Mikey answers, standing beside them with his hands on his hips. 

"So who's all coming again?" I question, as Calum collapses onto the couch beside me and smiles. 

"Friends." Ash says, dropping his end of the table. Luke groans loudly and lets go of his end, throwing his hands up afterwards. "Oops, sorry Luke." Ashton giggles, looking over at him as he says this. Luke sighs and shakes his head, his eyes meeting mine for a brief moment. "Yeah, old friends from school, not that we had many, friends we've made recently, just anyone really." 

Nodding to his words, I slide my arm under the cushion that's beside me on the couch and let my hand meet Calum's. He doesn't need to look at me to react, he just intertwines our fingers and gives my hand a gentle squeeze.  

"Alright, I'll bring the drinks in." Michael says, heading towards the door. 

Sometimes its easier to hide the truth than to admit how you feel. Sometimes your heart tells you to do one thing, and your brain is screaming a million different things, but we all want to follow our hearts. No one wants to listen to our brain, so we bury those thoughts under lies like 'it'll be fine', when those thoughts know that it won't. Because it isn't always going to be fine, sometimes things will fall apart, sometimes our hearts will break, and all too often we give up. 

For six years I've hidden the fact that I've fallen for Calum, because I have fallen for him. I've fallen so deep, and tripped a thousand times. I've fallen head over heels, through a thorn bush and almost drowned in the process. 

There was nights where I just couldn't face it anymore. Those occasional nights where everything just crumbles, all of those walls, that I'd built miles high, every so often they fell. Fell to the floor and broke. Those occasional nights where everything catches up with your mind and you break down in tears because you just like him so much it might be love. 

Here's the thing - can you fall in love with someone if you don't date them? Absolutely. 

It was a thought I had been fighting for four years, since I realised that if I've had a crush on him for two years, it's probably something more. 

You don't want to admit that you've fallen in love with your best friend's boyfriend, but sometimes you do. And sometimes that's okay. 

However, when is it okay to move on? When is it okay to choose him over her? In normal circumstances the answer would be never, but there's something going on between me and Hollie. It's like fate. Is it fate that me and her no longer act like best friends? Is it fate that this happened as Calum came back? Is it fate that he admitted he likes me? 

Or am I just lucky? 

***

"You liking the party?" Luke stumbles over to me and throws his arm around my shoulders. I shrug and take a sip from my drink, my eyes scanning over the huge crowd slowly. "C'mon, Irwin, don't pretend you don't wanna dance with me." 

"I think you're talking to the wrong Irwin." I scoff, pushing his arm off of me as Ashton runs over to us. Luke chuckles and follows my brother into the living room, probably to go flirt with some girls that turned up. 

I've never been one to sit out at parties, I would always dance, and on some occasions, I would be one of the girls that got flirted with. However, tonight I wasn't feeling it. Something was putting me off, there was something in my head confusing me. 

"Hi." Strong hands suddenly land on my waist and spin me around, and I'm face to face with Cal. "I wanna show you something," he whispers into my ear, grabbing my hand. I nod and place my drink down, following him as he guides me towards the back door. 

The rest of the room moves in slow motion as his sweaty hand tightens around mine, his excited grin glancing back at me every few seconds, and the fact that when I'm with him, nothing else matters. 

He takes me out into the back yard, past the pool and towards the back gate. He unlocks it slowly and gestures for me to exit. I do so, and the second were out of the garden, he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. 

"Where are we going?" I ask, wriggling until I'm comfortably sitting on his back. 

"Ah, you see baby girl, that's a secret." 

"How drunk are you?" I giggle, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and letting him lead me down the small beach. 

"Not at all." He mumbles, just as he trips and almost falls. I burst into laughter, throwing my head back and holding his shoulders tightly. "You?" 

"I was only on my second drink."

"Liar! You little poop." He squeals, running forward down the beach. Sand flies up behind us and he's shouting out the lyrics to Disconnected. As strange as it is, this is where I feel comfortable. 

I know for sure that everyday, I fall a little bit more in love with Calum Hood.

Author: 

woo they're so cute aw. 

i honestly love this story (like she loves him awe). 

Basically, I know it's quite early for her to say she loves him but you have to remember that she's liked him for six years. 

I've planned this whole story and there's like 72-75 chapters left. Which means all together this is going to be almost 100 chapters. 

I don't know about a sequel, but I have plenty of time to think about that aha