difficult | calum hood

44

10 Months Later

London, England; 10,560 miles from home. 

It's been longer than I had expected. No calls from Calum, a few Skype calls with Ashton, endless texts from my Mum.

 It wasn't a popular decision for me to take a year away from home, but in the last few months, my family at home seems to have adjusted to it. Life has changed, my hair has stayed short, I've got a job, it's cold, and I haven't thought of a guy romantically for the last 6 months. Of course, excluding the nights I lie awake thinking about Calum. 

November  is pretty in London, everything is orange and brown. It's cold and breezy, and the streets are full of people wrapped up warm. The people are kind, if a little different. 

My phone has been buzzing for the last 15 minutes, so I finally sit down to read the messages. 

Ash: we have exciting news

Ash: zoe

Ash: answer your phone

Ash: ZOE

Ash: we're coming to England, whereabouts you staying?

Ash: where are you? 

Me: what? 

Ash: we'll be in London next week, let's meet up?

Me: of course, but why? your tour finished ages ago...

Ash: wow, you really seem happy to see us :(

Me: sorry sorry

Me: it makes me nervous okay? 

Ash: i know, he's scared stiff

Ash: but he's also really excited, everyone wants to see you x 

Me: where do you want to meet? 

Ash: how am i supposed to know? you're the one who lives here. 

Me: okay pizza it is then 

Me: bye x 

Ash: where are you going??

Calum had just texted me. For the first time in months. He wants to know if I'm free to talk. Of course, I say yes. He asks me if I want to meet up when he gets here, and my fingers shake as I type out a reply. I try to sound casual, and not too keen, but I don't think it comes across like that. I think I sound like I've been waiting for that text since he left Australia. 

He's typing. 

Calum: perfect x

Calum: I still have you saved as Zoo in my phone 

I giggle and look at the clock, I should be at work. And me and Alice had a Skype call scheduled 15 minutes ago. Oops.

Me: you're just Calum in mine

Cal: ouch

Me: soz

Cal: when I see you next week, that's the first thing I'm doing

Me: what? changing your name?

Cal: yep x

Oh god, I'm still so  in love with him. I've read his letter more than can be healthy. 

Me: well, I've missed talking to you

Cal: I should've called but I didn't think you'd want to talk and don't tell anyone, but I was absolutely terrified 

Me: cutie 

Me: me too though, and I didn't know when you'd be free 

Cal: did you just call me cute

Me: maybe ;)

Cal: dont wink like that 

Me: does it turn you on ;)

Cal: like a light switch 

Me: ;) ;) 

Cal: ew what is happening 

Me: idk hahaha

Cal: I miss you

Me: I miss you too 

Cal: did you get my letter 

Me: yes. You made me cry Calum, I want to thank you though. It was beautiful xx

Cal: like you 

Me: cheesy 

Cal: sorry, but it's true and I haven't stopped thinking about the way you look since I left. I shouldn't of ever left. I should've bought you a ticket to join us on the flight and you should've come too. 

Me: Calum...

Cal: Zoe... I love you. 

Me: I love you too x 

Cal: can we FaceTime?

I suck some air in quickly through my teeth as the call connects, and Calum's face appears on my screen, blurry but there. "Hey." He whispers, grinning sheepishly at the camera. 

"Hi," I smile, blushing. Sweat builds up in between my fingers and I look away. 

"Hey," he repeats quietly. "I've missed this. Us. You." His cheeks flush pink, and it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

We sit in an awkward silence for a few moments until he suddenly sits up and beams. "I'm so excited to come over to England. Is it cold? Where are we going? What should we do?" 

I smile and look out the window and the cold, cloudy weather and sigh. "Yeah. It's cold. " I pause and smile again. "There's this pizza place down the road that I was thinking about. But I kinda just wanna catch up."

"Okay... night 1, everyone goes out for pizza. Night 2, just us. Catching up. Talking." He puckers his lips. "Maybe a little bit of this." Making a squeaky noise, he starts giggling and looks at me shyly. 

"Oi, there'll be none of that." I tease, closing my eyes and shaking my head. He whines and smiles at the camera, wide eyed. "What?" I look at him. 

"You're beautiful." He says, flushed. 

I stay quiet and keep my eyes on him, taking in every ounce of his appearance. I've never wanted to see him so much. It's almost been a year, I need him here. I want him here. "Thank you." I whisper, fiddling with the hem of my sweater. 

He chuckles softly and looks away. "Listen, I- uh, I need to go... band stuff. I'll talk later, I promise." 

I nod and smile, looking down as he ends the call. My heart flutters and I lean back happily, beaming in excitement. 

***

The next few days are filled with trips to the gym, apartment deep cleans, the hairdressers to get my hair deep conditioned and blow dried nicely, I go shopping for cute new clothes, and find time to work extra hours to pay for all of this. 

It's the night before they're all due to arrive, I find myself pushing myself further at the gym until I'm staggering to get a drink of water, getting a taxi home, and collapsing on the couch, attempting a good nights sleep. 

I wake up with texts from all four boys and Mali. Everyone is just messaging to say that they're flight is landing in late afternoon, but the kisses at the end of Calum's text make my heart race. 

I go out for a run that morning, head for a long shower when I get home and spend a lot longer than normal to get ready. 

I know it's shallow, but I want to look good for Calum. I want him to be impressed. I want him to see me and be happy.