Break me

F

September 14, 2013          WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?

Hi mom,

I was wondering if you knew that I never actually got over the nasty habit of picking my nose. Ew yeah, It is by far my most immature quality. I mean, I'm not proud of it. I'm trying to stop.

 When I was little, I used to chew on my fingernails. I don't really know what happened about that, but you got me to stop.

You never got me to stop picking my nose. I feel that that was bad parenting on your part.

Honestly, I don't want to tell you about how you ruined my life or how weird I am. But yeah, I am weird. Let's not get into that.

You and I have a love and hate relationship. And we have a one sided relationship because you haven't said a single word to me in nearly five years. Because you're dead. Seriously, it's no wonder that I have problems like I do. I might just pick my dumb nose as much as I want, thank you very much. Let's see if you care.

You are never going to know a single thing about me.

Where did I go wrong in all of this? How did I lose you? Well, I lost you. Believe me, I would have saved you if I could have. But cancer is a battle. It's a battle. But what did I do wrong?

 I'm finally sleeping again, mom.

It's the weirdest thing. I was at the point where I thought I would never like to sleep again. Really, I thought I was turning into one of those crazy people who never sleep.

And now I am actually sleeping. I'm getting tired at night. I even take naps on boring Sunday afternoons. It's weird that I wasn't sleeping because I love sleeping.

I call it the Chris effect. If I hadn't met Chris, I probably still wouldn't be sleeping.

I really don't want to hear about all that dumb match making stuff. Chris is just a guy in my accounting class. Who just happens to be really nice to me.

My sister says that I've always hated everything about school, which is true. And she still doesn't get why I actually like accounting class. Well, it's obvious. I've never liked school because no one was nice to me.

 Anyways, I was thinking about something Chris said to me the other day, and I must have been smiling because my sister crept up behind me and was like,  "Grayson why are you smiling?"

"Am I smiling?"

"Yes, you are. And your eyes are sparkling too."

Well that is new. I never knew my eyes could sparkle.

Because of you, I was home schooled all the way through sixth grade. I think you did it because you loved me, and I loved you too. But I wish you hadn't bothered doing that. Somehow, I just feel so dumb.

And when I started public school, I felt like you didn't care anymore. You were in your last months of living then though. When I had my first day of seventh grade, I had no idea that you wouldn't be alive at the end of the year.

When I got home from my first day of seventh grade, I wanted to tell you all about everything. I wanted to tell you about the people, the teachers, the kids, and my classes, but you didn't want to hear about any of it. You practically zoned me out; you wanted me to shut up. That's because you were dying.

I seriously held out until the last day, thinking that by next year, you'd want to listen to me again.

 Overall, today was a pretty good day.

It's been a miserable week though. Glad it's over.

Today is a Saturday, so I slept in, which was great because I love sleeping again.

I made this really good cinnamon toast for breakfast, and I had this grape juice that my sister made that wasn't very good. I think she watered it down. Weird bla why would she do that? It's beyond me.

I've played with my kitty today. She managed to get white cat hair all over me, and she drooled on my gray hoodie. Sweet little animal.

I've played a lot of jetpack joyride today too because that game is way too addicting. Dad is outside working in his precious strawberry bed. He loves gardening. I hate it, but he loves it.

Dad really is great though.

 This summer-I think that's when it was-I was backing out the van, and I must have driven it in crookedly because when I backed it out, I broke the right side rear view mirror. Yeah, it hit the side of the garage, and it shattered.

SHATTERED, I say.

Anyways, I was really scared, and I went to get daddy. He was wiping off his shoes, and he looked like he was about 2 seconds away from exploding. I cringed and waited for the fireworks, but they never came. Dad just shrugged it off, "You know what, it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes."

Yeah, but not everyone breaks the new sparkling mirror that you just got put on the van. I'm so sorry.

Dad paid for it to get fixed a second time and never told anyone.

 It really feels like I break everything, even though I don't mean to.

Grayson

 I'd like to say first, I don't actually pick my nose. I'm not that weird. Secondly, what sound does the fox make?! I wanna know.

On the side would be the fox song. It's like really random and really weird. My favorite part of it is the beginning.

Oh, and love this story with votes and comments, please.