I have not forgotten that you existed. Quite the opposite, actually. I think about you every day. I hold you close to my chest.
You weren't at my wedding. Instead, your picture was on the memorial table, and I wore your wedding ring.
I knew your birthday was on November 20th. I was thinking about it as it came closer. What would 56 have looked like on your? Guess we'll never know.
But then November 20th, 2021 came and went, and before I knew it, it was November 21st, and I realized I hadn't thought about it being your birthday the entire day. I had thought about you though. I spoke to grandma on the phone, and we talked about how you worked hard teaching to support dad through law school, but no one ever gave you credit for that. Instead, he has his own new family and wrote us all off. But anyways, I thought about you, but all day forgot it was your birthday until the next day.
It's just free rent living in my mind now. That is what moving on actually looks like. Never forgetting, but the memories don't hurt anymore.
It was honestly the first time I honestly ever thought I was finally moving on, because I still have plenty of other painful memories that it will take me years to recover from. Maybe a lifetime
I'm already 13 years out, still in pain. But I'm healing, and I'm proud of myself for finding any kind of healing in a world that has brought me nothing but hurt. I've become so strong, but not by choice. None of it has been easy.
YOU ARE READING
Break me
ChickLitwhat do you do when you can't stand to look at that page anymore but you can't turn to a new one? color over it and make a new picture.
