Break me

H

I have made a decision for this story. Oo sounds important, right? Actually, this message is only for Sarah. So, if your name isn't Sarah, don't read this. And, if you are some nice little happy person who's name just randomly happens to be Sarah, and you have no idea why I would possibly be blabbing to you, don't read this. This is just for The Sarah. Yes, she know who she is. So, Sarah, The Sarah, you are supposed to read this little note. -Okay, so I've decided that you can't read this anymore. I forbid you. Hehe. :) Sorry. You're more than welcome to vote though! Happy hunting.

September 30, 2013

 Mom,

I'm turning into desperation. I don't know what it looks like, but I would bet anything that it looks a lot like me. Why? I'm just a desperate person.

 Did you know that it takes a person one week to get used to something?

My sister told me that.

For example, if I get a haircut, it would apparently take me a whole week to get used to it.

Or, if a person moved into a new house, it would take him or her a week to get used to living in a different place.

It's one whole week. It's seven days. It's one hundred and sixty eight hours. 168.

So, I think there's something wrong with me. There has to be. You have been dead for almost five years. FIVE YEARS. That's a lot of weeks. A lot. It really should be more than enough time for me to get used to it.

But I'm not used to it. I've had nothing but time, and I still can't quite get used to the fact that you are gone forever. I still dream about you. In my dreams, you didn't die, and usually my dreams last just long enough to convince myself that they are real. See, I'm not used to you being gone, and I'm not sure that I ever will be.

That just leaves me to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me. How can there not be?

Maybe I should sit with shrinks and counselors for the next month. Those psychs can dig in my brain and see what's wrong. Oo do you think that'll fix me?

I kinda do hate you too. I mean, I love you, but it's hard.

 Honestly mom, what were you thinking? You home schooled me, you treated me like a precious baby, and then you practically threw me away. Well, you didn't throw me away, but it felt like it. I know you didn't mean to; I know you couldn't help it though.

This is what I hate about you. You left me when I needed you the most.

 I'm not sure if I can find it in me to forgive you for that.

Our relationship is terrible. Shocker, right?

We are nothing. Mom, you and I are nothing.

But that's okay. Let's be nothing. I understand it lasts forever.

I read that on my sister's ipod.

Dad always says that you fought your cancer so so hard. Grandma even says that. Annnnnnnd... I don't know about that.

How can you fight cancer? How can you fight something that's unbeatable? You can't. You can't fight cancer. I'm sorry. You really can't.

We're nothing.

Well, at least we will last forever.

I love you.

Grayson.

Vote and I will love you so much! Really.