Fix me (COMPLETED) #Wattys2016

Chapter Twenty Three

Read the A/N at the end! x

(Unedited)

| Layla's POV |

He can't find out.

I can't bare the shame. I can't bare the fact that he would look at me with disgust in his eyes. I can't live with myself if another person sees me as a damaged human. I can't bare to become a flick of dust, unwanted, unloved, unimportant. Again.

What if he already read it? What must he be thinking of me? Of us? Is he preparing to kick us out and file for a divorce?

But why did he even have that folder in front of him in the first place? Where the heck did he get it from? I've never seen one before but from the look of it, it's obvious what's in it.

It had my name in big bold letters written right across the first page, with a passport sized picture of a teenage version of me right next to it. That folder has all of my past, my fears, my secrets and my shame inside of it.

Did Adam read it?

I don't care. I don't care at all.

I feel like all the energy has been drained out of me. I'm tired of living this way... Living in fear and shame that is. So no feelings whatsoever are much better that those unwelcome emotions.

I pick up a talking Melak from my bed, and dress her up in a baby pink blouse with a soft denim skirt overall on top. I match her outfit with tiny white sneakers, and put her hair up in pigtails. I love dressing my baby up. I remember a few years back when I would wander around the mall with my friends and find myself in the kids section dreaming about the day that I could buy all of these cute microscopic sized outfits for my future children.

I guess my fantasy became reality... only under unexpected circumstances.

Last but not least, I walk to the drawer beside the bed where I've recently put all of my valuable things in. I pick up a velvet jewelry box, I open it and pick up one of the most things of value that my father has ever given me.

I pick up the golden necklace that my father gave to me on the day of the graduation. The day that- no I'm not going there. Only good memories Layla... Only good memories.

The necklace is so beautiful yet so simple. It had a simple thin gold chain, with 2 pendants hanging from it. One pendant was a miniature Ayat Al Kursi and the other one was a much smaller completely plain heart.

Anyone who recites Ayat Al Kursi enters the protection and security of Allah.

I can't help but think that if I had worn the necklace maybe what happened that night wouldn't have happened to me. Maybe I would've been protected. Safe.

I mentally shake the thoughts of my head, there's no use of dwelling on the past, everything's been said and done already. I walk back to a still sleepy yet talkative Melak sitting on bed, I sit down next to her I remove the hair from the back of her neck while securing the necklace around her neck. I look down at her and find her mesmerized by the twinkling thing around her neck.

I kiss her chubby cheeks and put her on my lap.
"This necklace will hopefully protect mummy's angel from all things bad." I whisper in her ear as I give her another kiss on her cheek while I hide the pendants under her shirt, close to her heart, being careful that only the chain is showing.

"This will keep you safe, hayate." I tell her in a childlike voice while picking her up and putting her down on the carpet while I go make wudu before I begin my daily prayer.