Warrior [Completed]

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Disclaimer:

If you are sensitive to self harm I advise you be cautious during the next few chapters.

If not then continue...

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The girls were spending the night so after lunch we all came home. We knew where everyone would be sleeping so we didn't really bother with placing and whatnot. Louis looked upset but tried to be happy. At least he's trying. Not well but its an attempt I guess.
In all honesty it was killing me, seeing him shattered like this hurt so bad. Knowing he was hurt and not being able to help him made it even worse.
Oh well.

"Let's watch a movie." Niall suggested, reading my mind. I smiled lightly at the thought that we were about to say the same thing, Niall's mouth just beat my one to it.
"Yeah." I agreed with him, going to stand beside him to look at the others.
"Alright. What though?" Zayn asks, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at us. "Uh," I began, then I got a brilliant idea.
"A comedy, let's be cops." I suggested instantly, I've heard of it but haven't seen it. All I know is that it is funny as fuck.
"Sweet, I'll set it up." Liam told us.
"Alright, I'll make the popcorn." I said, leaving the room and heading into the kitchen. I went to the cupboard and grabbed the bag of popcorn. "I'll get the drinks." Someone claimed from the living room, I didn't know who until Louis walked into the kitchen.
"Hey Lou." I greet, looking over at him. "Hey, listen." He stated softly. I stopped putting the popcorn in the microwave and locked eyes with him. "Yeah Lou?" I felt my eyebrows raise in concern. "Thanks for being there," he said, "Uh yesterday I mean." I walked over and hugged him. "Don't thank me Lou, you would of done the same for me." He hugged back for a moment then pulled away. He smiled at me then went to the fridge. I set the time for the popcorn. He left with the drinks and I waited for the popcorn to finish.
After a very boring 4 minutes I took it out and put it in a bowl. Then I walked through, everyone was comfortably seated so I jut went and sat next to Harry.

Mid movie we had to pause because we were all laughing so much. This was a good choice. I'm glad to see Louis happy, even of he is just distracted, its a start. That's when I got a message on my phone, no, not a message a twitter notification. Okay. It buzzed again and again. I frowned and unlocked my phone to check them.
Bad idea. Very, very bad idea.
The smile on my face from the laughter in the room just melted.
It was filled it hate. Hate and oh guess what. More hate.
Messages like:

'Niall doesn't really care.'

'You're a useless and pathetic skank.'

'You don't deserve to live bitch.'

Were everywhere.  As much as I tried to ignore it I couldn't. I felt tears stinging in my eyes.
"Ash?" Someone whispered.
I immidiently locked my phone and saw it was Harry.
"Yeah Haz?" I blinked the tears away. "You alright?" He questioned lightly.
I nod "Yes" No.
"Alright, if you need to talk I'm here." He assured me.
"Thanks haz." I tried for a smile.
No idea if it actually worked.

Problem is I can't tell him what my first thought was.
He'll hate me.
More than they probably do.
As soon as the movie ended I told them I was gonna shower then go to bed because I was tired.
That was my second lie.

Truth is I was going to open a door I haven't in years.

Scars.

I entered my room, took out a small box and fished out a blade, I grabbed a set of PJs and went to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and set down my things. I thought of all the bad things I've done, I've felt, I've heard.
I removed my clothes and put them in the wash basket then looked in the mirror. Yep.
The truth hurts but that's what it is.
Hurt, hate. Me
I thought of everything.
My parents left.
Twice.
What did I do that was so bad as to have them leave.
I'm pathetic, I'm useless, ugly, I'm stupid and worthless and I ruin everything.
I turned away disgusted and stood in the shower looking down at the ugly scars on my stomach. I held the blade tightly in my hand and thought again.
I took it and placed it on my stomach.

Once.

Relief flowed through every orpheus of my being for a few precious seconds I was fine. I did it again and again. Over and over until I felt numb and free.
I was so paralyzed in my little world that I only now noticed the red covering the tiled floor, then the sickening metallic smell entered my nose and I couldn't risk the others finding out. They would try and convince me of things that weren't true. I knew my truth.
I held it in my hands.
I slid the blade next to the soap and turned on the shower. I looked down and watched as my relief swirled down the drain, the warm water burning slightly.
I washed my hair and cringed as the soap stung my cuts. I deserve it. so I ignored it. 

I finished and left the shower. I looked down and saw my whole upper abdomen was red and puffy. The body does this. I took a bit of biology back in high school, the skin swells and puffs when injured to try and protect the body. When there is an injury there is increased blood flow to an area, which causes redness and heat, also the accumulation of blood causes the swelling. Enough weird sciency crap, its not helping anyone. I examined my stomach. At least 15 cuts were visible if not more. I smiled slightly at the pain and I didn't bother drying my hair. I changed into my PJs then left the bathroom. "Night boys!" I called down stairs. After I heard a response I claimed into bed.

I sighed. Staring at the darkend ceiling even though I couldn't see it.
I rolled over and closed my eyes, letting myself slip into unconsciousness, silently willing myself not to wake up.

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Yeah. So that was chapter 3. I don't really want to say I hope you enjoy it, as its pretty sad but anyway.

See you in the next chapter.

Valkyrie