Trouble ; Kim Taehyung

(Taehyung)

   My head is being torn apart in so many ways. One of which is being dunked into a blender that's put on max, then poured onto the floor just to splat out of control. My vision is spiraling out of control and it seems like the ceiling and floor interchange from being above and under my bed. Not to mention that my body responds the same way by suddenly flinching because it feels like I've fallen from mount Everest. And since we're on the topic, It's like a blizzard comes to have a staycation in my room, coming back and forth. At times, it would be burning hot like I'm in a dessert but other times I'd be in the north pole hanging onto dear life because of the freezing temperature.

I hear a faint voice of someone talking to themselves before hearing the door go, BANG!

    My head starts to pound upon having the loud slam of the door ring in my head like a bell. A horrible one at that. I go shuffle from position to position on my bed 'till I find one that I'm comfortable with. My arms are thrown wide on the bed forming a 'U' with both, right leg on the floor being jiggled up and down, and face facing straight into the ceiling. It still feels like the ceiling is spinning in circles but this time I think about Eunsol. The ceiling suddenly stops spinning and my temperature rises all the more. I lay here listening to my heart pound as loud as thunder and struggle to peel of my eyes off of the ceiling where her image is. I reach for her image that slowly fades away. Soon, all I see is an outline of who I am to her.

    I'm the jerk she's always hung out with. I'm that one childish person who ruins her day. I'm someone who sets her mood down hill. I'm the person she resents the most among everyone else in this house. Even if I say I like her now, it'll just make things worse. I mean, since when did my actions show any of my real feelings toward her? It doesn't make any sense. Even if I try to straighten things out with her, I end up stopping myself every time. Because I still have the dark past lingering in the depths of my heart, I can't seem to break free of the chains I've put on myself. It's like there's an invisible glass between us. I can't break it, even if I try to, the memories will just keep reeling back in. It's the most dreadful thing that happens to me once every few months.

    It's annoying not to be able to break free from the chains you put on yourself. What's more, the purpose I created it was to keep everyone safe from having to deal with shit, now it's just a drag. No one might know, it which is partly convenient, but it's suffocating. I can't breathe. As the thoughts rummage in my mind I find myself physically not being able to breathe. I try so hard to inhale a sack full of oxygen but it's like something is blocking my airways. I'm not quite sure whether I'm conscious or not but if I don't find a way to start breathing, I'll die.

*

    I stared at the soup, hesitating to move. I have a feeling that if I move at all, my muscles would shatter to pieces. I try to reach for the spoon but as soon as I flinched holy fuck. It's like a thousand bullets shot me from different angles all at once.

"What's wrong?" Eunsol asks.

"Nothing" I reply.

"Your expression and response don't match at all" I try not to make eye contact with her but the more I tried not to, the more useless it became. She slowly walks toward me, making me turn my gaze at her feet that slowly made its way up. And before I knew it, I was already staring at her eyes.

"What?" She asks in a bothered tone, still making her way to me.

"I said it's nothing" I repeat, starting to feel irritated.

Then she goes, "Nothing my ass for someone who nearly died earlier"

"I didn't ask for you help." I intensify my words hoping that she'll really leave me right now. If I continue to see her, in this state of mind, I don't know what I might do.

"Says the person who refused to let go of my hand when they woke up" She crumples her face, cringing hysterically.

    I look away, anywhere. Anywhere but her face. Her presence makes my temperature rise to the boiling point. What makes matters worse is that I can't release the pressure that's building up within me because as obvious as it already is, we're not together. The silence is starting to visualize like the fog and it gets thicker and thicker but before it gets any thicker than a history book, I crookedly tell her to shut up.

"Give me that attitude when you get better. If I fight with a sick person, I'll be the bad one"

    I give up and just reply with silence but then at the corner of my eye I saw her hand reach for my face. I slap it away instinctively. I look at her in awe but don't do anything. I'm being swallowed by inner voices again but this time it feels a lot lighter. As I get devoured, like a prey, I accept my fate.

    Her hand reaches for me again but this time my mind responds by telling my hand to do the exact opposite. I pull her wrist and she goes flinging on top of me. We look at each other face to face, and I'm not sure if I need glasses because her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are looking into mine with certain gloss to them. For a few seconds, it stays that way with an unwavering atmosphere, but not so long after, it is followed by pure darkness.

I silently wish that it was real but if it were, what would I do then?