Trouble ; Kim Taehyung

(Taehyung)

Yes.
    We've been having eye contact since earlier and I don't know if it's just me or if it's the sudden heart attack I'm having but suddenly everything around me becomes blurry then contrasted. Then blurry again. My pulse isn't slowing down and her gazes aren't anything close to help, in fact, it's doing the opposite. And as her gazes protrude to the inner depth of my soul I can't seem to make up my mind. I want to relax and sit normally so I wouldn't feel the pain on my should blades but because my sixth sense can feel her eyes gradually move along the outline of every hair on my face so I also want to stay in a picture perfect state. Both of the opetions would make me happy but I can't ignore the fact that bliss feeds on both sides of my face as she stares at me. As that happiness eats me alive, there is also that troubled feeling I get whenever I turn over to meet her eyes. I get so torn between dream and reality that my body almost makes a move on its own. I get this urge to hold her in my arms and just keep her there for eternity. But of course, I don't. Thankfully.

    I try to stay as calm and composed as possible praying that I don't let any of my inner thoughts get the best of me and escape to the surface of my face.

    This situation reminds me of when I was younger. When my mom used to bring me everywhere. She mostly brought me to crowded lobbies, it felt like the whole country's people were there (I was only seven). A part of me hated the look strangers gave me but the other part appreciated this with all greatness, I mean, they were a reminder that I exist.

    I used to believe that my mom brought me everywhere because she couldn't bear being separated from me, but the longer this took place, the sooner I realized that she just couldn't let my father deal with me. I was practically a burden. Someone that hinders her from achieving her greatest potential. Thus analyzing further, I've also realized that she actually loathed my existence. Data: (1)She never talked to me in between her breaks. (2) We had to travel using different cars. [fact: I've never sat beside or across from her] (3) when I got lost in Italy she wasn't fazed. Not one bit. (4) She was sure never to lay a hair on me (in a disgusted way) or have her skin brush against mine. And it showed through her skin that if she could, she wouldn't even breathe the same air I do. (5) She has never looked into my eyes. Or me in general.
I could list a thousand more but if I go on I'd probably not want to stop.
    So really, everything was just me pretending to think that she cared.

    After having breakfast in an awkward silence, everyone besides me and Eunsol leave to get lunch. They left as early as 9:45 because the restaurant they'll be travelling to is a two hour drive from here. They were supposed to cancel but Jin didn't want to trouble the employees who've gone through the trouble of fixing up the table and food. In all honesty, I don't get how a person can be this considerate. I mean, the cancellation fee could've been easily paid anyway.

    He is the total opposite of my mom who is fierce, Industrious (towards work), and negligent (towards me) all at the same time. Jin's captivating point is his assiduousness. He probably hasn't noticed it yet (because that's who he is), but a lot of the juniors fall in love with his way of handling things (and them). He's super mega popular for his face and personality. Sometimes it takes a moment before people realize He and Eunsol are siblings. If I hadn't fallen for the reckless, mean, and annoying type (Eunsol) then I probably would've fallen for someone like him.

    In all innocence, if I were a girl, with his cooking and caring skills, and capacity to raise seven children all at once, then he'd be the only person I'd fix my eyes on for all eternity.
 If. I. were. a. girl.
    but I'm not.
And I've already madly fallen for the reckless one.
   *mental sigh.*