Trouble ; Kim Taehyung

(Eunsol)

   I open my eyes to the white, cold, and dusty ceiling of my room. As soon as I try to get up, my head starts spinning. My vision turns everything upside down, then right side up. The spinning is soon accompanied by throbbing, and it's not pretty. The dizziness that travels down my throat makes me want to throw up. I t trying to call out to someone from outside but my throat is lumpy and dry, it's as if lamas resided there and the desert decided to follow. I stop trying to speak and try to stand up instead. In the process of getting up, I feel nauseous and my head starts to go foggy like I inhaled three buildings worth of smoke. I try pushing myself more, but not even half way through standing, It's like I was forcefully pushed back to my bed. I lie down like a dead rock for a few moments and soon devour every second of it. My head starts to cool down and so does every muscle in my body. Lying down in bed peacefully, though not comfortably, makes my head run wild with thoughts. Firstly, Hoseok Oppa comes into mind. Then I remind myself that there are some things I try my best to avoid thinking about however I have a feeling that my usual routine would comply with today's situation. I feel very vague, like how you would feel like in a dream. All fuzzy and imaginative. So I continue.

    I close my eyes and slowly start to soar through the emptiness of Me, as a person. I lack so many things in so many ways, and I don't know how I got this much with nothing, generally speaking, I shouldn't deserve any of this: family, love, happiness. I understand that every person has a place in this world, but does every existence mean that you'll be leading a life for yourself? In simpler terms, what if you only exist to to be a side character of another person's life?

    Taehyung. He scares me, or rather, the thought that he might mean more to me than I'd have expected is what frightens me. The uneasiness in my heart is probably because I can sense his answer. I can also imagine the Aloof look on his eyes once he hears this fucking joke my heart is currently at. If I hold it in a little longer then maybe, just maybe it might disappear. If it does though, I hope it happens soon because keeping it to myself feels like overfilling a balloon. I'm not the type of personality that's willing to explode anytime.

    Aside from that, there's something that makes me want to display my middle finger to every living thing. If there's something the people around me know very well, then it's my issues with letting meaningless things go. When I saw them in the hallways I was so ready to get into detention for a whole week, it just so happened that another asshole came pulling me away from that scene. Which I don't entirely resent.

*

    Taehyung's hand is only on my forehead but I feel like I could explode any second now. I can feel the friction between my chest and my heart that's palpitating in so many speeds, it could power three power plants at the same time. The only source of light that seeps into the room through the hole under the door seems to have put a magic spell on me because right now, I can't resist falling into the depth of his cold, relaxing finger tips.

    I stare at his eyes and I want to turn away so I don't get tricked into thinking that this is reality. I am reminded of how Taehyung pulled my wrist, making me fall on top of him, and him just blacking out. He's cruel to even show up in my dreams after that event. What makes him more cruel than showing up in my dreams is pretending like it never happened.

    I think for a bit, closing my eyes. I soar from thought to thought but all it does is lead me to whirling space of vagueness. I open my eyes and stare at his face. As I stare at his vivid face, in the dark, I wonder, how could someone's face shine so bright?
    I start to have second thoughts on that question because maybe, it's his existence that creates such a wonderful glow in the first place and not his face.