Always Maybe

Kisses

Him. That was Arthur at the party, in the closet, with the kissing. Merlin remembered wondering who those sweet lips belonged to, who could make him feel so alive. Arthur. It had always been Arthur.

"What about Gwen?" Merlin asked in a whisper. The two were close to each other, as close as Merlin had dreamed. 

Arthur shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. What we have... it doesn't feel real. I'm just doing it to piss off my dad," he admitted.

"And what about me?" Merlin asked sheepishly, almost too afraid to have the words audible.

Arthur smirked. "I like you. I like you a lot," Arthur said.

Merlin didn't know how he felt about this. Of course, having Arthur was the prize he'd always wanted, but it didn't seem real. It didn't seem right. Wasn't he in love with Gwen? Didn't he say that he wasn't interested in Merlin like that?

"How do you know you like me?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "What's that mean?"

"I just... I mean that how do you know that you actually like me? That it isn't just because you know I like you?"

Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin's shoulder, making the pale boy blush.

"I just know. You make me feel a certain way, a way that nobody's ever made me feel before. And, once I realized I didn't love Gwen, I realized it was because you were in my mind. When I had dreams, you were there. You were always there in the back of my mind, like a shadow. And when Morgana told me you liked me, I got scared because I realized I liked you back."

There was a silence.

"Why me?" Merlin asked softly. 

Arthur turned to look at him, and Merlin did the same. Both boys sat cross legged on Merlin's bed, their eyes never leaving the other's.

"I don't think I can name all the reasons," Arthur admitted. Merlin's face fell a little, wondering if Arthur could name any reasons at all. "Let's just say you have nothing to be insecure about."

Merlin smiled a bit and looked down nervously. His heart was a stampede in his chest.

"Merlin, can I kiss you?" Arthur asked as he moved closer to the raven haired boy once more. 

Merlin nodded, and Arthur softly placed his lips against Merlin's. He pulled away after a second, his blue eyes searching Merlin's for approval. 

Merlin took Arthur by the collar of his shirt and the two crashed onto their sides, a tangle of limbs and kisses.

"You don't know how long I've wanted this," Merlin huffed as he caught his breath.

"You don't know how long I've wanted you," Arthur said.

Then the two kissed again, each time doing deeper and deeper until they lost each other in the love they were falling into.