Always Maybe

Awake

Talk to me!!!!! -biblio

Arthur sat in the waiting room for another few hours before a nurse scurried into the room, her heels making frantic clicks on the hard floor.

"He's awake," she said breathlessly. She had been very eager to tell this particular family good news. She knew Hunith from school and had watched Merlin grow up from a distance. He was a good boy, and he didn't deserve to die. His mother also deserved to hear the news as fast as possible.

Gwaine, Gwen, Arthur, and Hunith all looked at the nurse in amazement. Hunith started to cry. It had all been very touch and go, but he was back now.

Merlin was back.

Alive.

Breathing.

Okay.

Hunith raced into his room to talk to him, leaving the three friends out in the waiting room.

Gwen nudged Arthur's shoulder. She saw he was tense. "Hey," she said.

He looked at her. Barely.

"Shouldn't you be happy?"

"Yeah," Gwaine agreed, "Merlin's awake."

Arthur nodded but said nothing.

"Why aren't you excited about this?" Gwen asked.

"Come on, Princess," Gwaine said, forever trying to lighten the mood. "Give us a smile for Merlin."

Arthur sighed and took his jacket from the back of the chair before standing up. He slid the jacket on smoothly and then popped the collar back down. "Tell him to get well soon," Arthur said. He started to walk away and out of the waiting room for good, but Gwen was quick on her feet and pulled on his wrist before he could get anywhere.

"You can't just leave him, Arthur," she said.

He closed his eyes and moaned. "Don't you get it, Gwen? We're not together anymore. He doesn't want me in his life."

Gwen thought about his words. She knew they weren't true. Of course, Merlin wanted Arthur in his life. Merlin had always wanted Arthur, no matter what. Even when he was with Freya, there was a part of him that had wanted Arthur. He still loved her, of course, but it wasn't the same. Arthur was the one he was supposed to be with. Arthur was his true love. Arthur was his destiny. Gwen wasn't going to stand by and let Arthur throw everything away because of what Merlin had said when he was hurting.

"You listen to me, Arthur Pendragon," she snapped.

Arthur looked at her. She'd always been slightly bossy.

"You are going to march in there and tell Merlin how you feel," she said. "He still loves you. You'd have to be an idiot not to see that."

The two maintained eye contact for a few seconds before Arthur shook his head. "I can't," he whispered. "Not this time. Don't tell him I was here."

With that, he left.

Gwen was practically fuming, but Gwaine's touch calmed her down. All she needed was someone to pull her back into reality. Out of the moment with Arthur. She needed to calm down.

"You can see him," Hunith said, appearing in the doorway. "He's not talking much."

Gwen nodded and led Gwaine past Hunith and to Merlin's room, more than eager to talk to her best friend. She was happy he was okay, even if Arthur was being an ass about it. When is Arthur not being an ass?

In the small, poorly decorated room, Merlin sat up slightly in the white bed. He had tubes and drips connected to him and he looked pale and weak. He looked like he hadn't eaten in days. Months. He looked skinny. Too skinny. Gwen swore that he didn't look like this when she had last seen him.

"Merlin," she cried, throwing her arms around him.

"Hey," he replied with a forced smile. It hurt his stomach to smile, so he let his face fall.

"It's good to have you back," Gwaine said from the doorway. He was always nervous when he was in hospitals. He had spent quite a lot of time in them when he was younger because of his father's illnesses.

"Where's Arthur?"

Gwen's heart broke a little bit. He looked so eager to see the blond prat, and she didn't feel like she could tell him the truth in the state he was in. She opened her mouth to mutter some lame excuse that was anything but the truth, but Gwaine spoke before her.

"He didn't want to come," he said. Honesty. Gwen flinched.

Merlin's face fell. And paled. If that was possible. "What?"

"He waited here for hours," Gwen explained. "He came in here to see you when you were asleep."

"Then why isn't he here now?"

"Honestly? He didn't think you'd want to see him," Gwaine replied.

Merlin didn't do anything for a moment, but then he looked down and nodded in understanding. Nodding hurt, too, he noticed. Everything hurt. Life hurt. That's why he didn't want to live it anymore.

"If you--"

"I need some time alone," Merlin said.

Gwen and Gwaine exchanged nervous glances. "Are you--"

"I'm sure. Leave."

So they left, leaving Merlin alone with his thoughts and his aching heart.