Saving Diana || One Direction

BLOOD-Diana's Pov

I ran down the corridor, not knowing where I was going. I eventually lent against the white bathroom door.

“Diana where’s the charger for El’s laptop?!”

“Erm, it’s in her bedside table, the one with EL’S LAPTOP CHARGER written across it, in bold capital letters, you can’t miss it”

“Ok, thanks babe”

Shit! If Josh saw me now, he’d guess something was wrong. I could see him in the lounge, he’d put the laptop on the table and was on his way to get the charger. I dashed into the closet room I could find.

The Bathroom.

I sat down on the other side of the door. I heard a light tapping sound.

Josh.

“Hey Babe are you ok?”

“Yeh him fine why?” hoping he would just say “no reason” or something like that anyways.

“Well, I saw you look at me when I was coming down here and then you ran off into the bathroom”

Shit!

“Erm, well actually I just wanted to go to the loo and I was looking at you because you were speaking to me”

I bet he would never believe that, unless he thought that I had a severe case of diarrhoea and that’s why I ran into the bathroom to use the loo. Great.

“Okay, see you in a min babe!”

“Bye Josh”

A loose piece of hair fell across my face, I twirled it in my fingers before tucking back under my bobble.

My mind wondered off, thinking about Josh. Did I really deserve him? I mean he was an amazing musician as well as a really nice person, he deserved a lot better.

I had defiantly been in this bathroom, for longer than the length of the average pee. Which obviously meant Josh would actually think I did have a dodgy bowel.

“Diana are you ok in there?!”

“Erm, yet just trying to fix my make up, you know you could have told me how awful I looked” I said which was party true I did look awful, to be fair I wasn’t wearing any makeup, which only made me look even worse.

“You don’t look awful babe”

“I do”

“You don’t trust me, anyways see you in a moment”

I heard footsteps as josh headed of back to the lounge.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, it was one of those full length ones it was actually El’s but she didn’t want it in her room so we put it in here.

I looked at the reflection but quickly turned away. How could he even like me? I had massive thighs no thigh gap either, my tummy looked like I’d just swallowed a whale, I had massive under eye circles too and to top it off my collar bones where sharper than a knife.

The fact I was too ashamed to even look in the mirror said it all.

I looked at my wrists the scars where still clearly visible it only made me look even worse. I’d told Josh that I fell down some metal stairs and it had taken the skin of my wrists. I knew it was a lie but he didn’t question it and I didn’t really want to tell him where the scars had come from.

I knew I wasn’t fat but to me everyone else was just so skinny and living with El didn’t help. I mean she was literally perfect. She had long blonde hair, ok so did I but hers always shone and had loads of volume, mine was just flat and dull. She had the skinniest figure ever with a thigh gap to kill for and never got any spots, it was so unfair!

She always used to tell me Whishing to be someone else is a waste of who you are. But you’d obviously think that if you where the human version of Barbie who wasn’t made of plastic.

I fixed my hair, by which point had now fallen out leaving my dirty blonde hair covering my cold shoulders.

I sunk down against the shower door. My mind thinking over all the nasty tweets I’d gotten since the news that I was dating Josh had gotten out.

@DianaCameron you should change your username to @DianaIsAwhore It’s very fitting don’t you think?

@DianaCameron She thinks the world of herself, I bet she’s only using him for money #DianaIsAwhore

@DianaCameron I would say we should give her a chance, but it’s pretty clear she’s only using Josh @JoshDevineDrums IS MINE!

@DianaCameron W-H-O-R-E

I shuddered not wanting to remember the tweets that I had just read a few moments before. I closed my eyes, a tear escaped and ran down my cheek, the saltiness running into my mouth. My wrist was itching I pulled up my jumper sleeve and was yet again reminded of how ugly I was.

Inside and Out.

Seeing the cuts made me want that feeling again. Not the pain. Not the tears. Just knowing I was in control of something for once, knowing I was causing this pain no one else, me.

I felt a sharp pain digging into my stomach, I slipped my hand into the pocket in my jumper taking out the piece of glass from earlier.

Was this a sign?

Was I destined to die?

Was I really worth nothing?

I ran the sharp jagged edge along my finger splitting my skin, blood oozing out.

It felt good, something felt good. At last.

No.

I couldn’t think like this I had to stay strong, I had people who cared about me.

Mom. No

Dad. No

Josh.

Elouise.

2 people in the whole world cared about me, who would miss me when I’m gone?

I looked at the glass and then at the mirror. I was just a ghost of the person I used to be.

What did I have to lose?

I took the sharp edge of the broken piece of glass and ran it down my wrist, the blood spilling over my arm. I blocked out the pain and carried on, cut after cut after cut.

By now the blood was covering my arm, seeping on to my leggings and down on to the bathroom floor, but I didn’t care.

I carried on and on making each one deeper and deeper until I couldn’t even see my arm.

I looked down at the floor my red sticky blood surrounded me.

But I wasn’t done yet…

A/N okay so sorry about this chapter its really quite short and a bit boring but its a very key part to the story. Also if anyone is feeling like this then please message me i understand your pain, trust me :D Also i found this quote that is quite relevant to the story. You think it takes away the pain but you just give it to someone else... 

 The image on the side is to any person who is judge for who they are becuase trust me someone out there will care :D You wouldn't believe how long it took me to get it on here but its worth it x Love you guys x