Choosing

Chapter 39: Endings

Cam knew I was going to see Shawn so he wasn't freaking out, I think.

I got back to the hotel, but it didn't feel right to stay with Jack tonight.

Me: I'm in the lobby. Think they'll let me get another room

Cam: No need. I'm on my way be there soon

I stood in the lobby, waiting for Cam. I felt so blah. Like I was supposed to be mad, but I was hurt and upset and that's what made me mad. I wanted to feel sorry for Shawn but I couldn't. It made me angry that we fought but it made me more sad than anything. My emotions were all mixed up leaving me blah and utterly confused.

"Bek, what happened. It cant be good if you are back." Cam hurried over to me from the elevator and hugged me.

"I don't know, it's all just a blur." I lied. He didn't let go, instead he held me tighter. We stood like this for a while in the lobby. I wanted to just cry, all I wanted to do was collapse in his arms and cry my eyes out. I wanted to break for the first time in a while, in front of all of these people and all the fans outside that were watching. I felt a flood of emotion. Every feeling that I've had over the past two months and fought down came running back to me. All at once. Tears slowly started to pour out of my eyes as I remembered every time that I doubted myself or hated myself, or got mad over something, or upset abut something, or every time that I believed the hate I got. My eyes welled up with tears and continued to spill over.

Cam let me cry into his chest for a while before he got tired of all flashing cameras.

"C'mon lets go upstairs. You can stay in my room tonight." He slide his arm around my waist and turned me so my back was to all the cameras and guided me to elevator. I was still crying, I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. We got in the elevator, Cam pushed the button and wrapped his arms around me again. He was warm and tall. I felt safe in his arms but also like if he wanted to he could kill me with a single squeeze. I was in my most vulnerable stage and he didn't seem to change. He rubbed my back while I sobbed quietly into his shirt. We got to the floor and again he wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to his room.

"Nash. B is gonna stay with us tonight okay?" I didn't look up but I could feel Nash's eyes on me. It was like 3 in the morning, I was surprised he was still up.

"I'll go grab you some clothes for bed." Cam whispered, pushing me off of him.

Nash got out of his bed and came over to me.

"How is it possible that even with makeup all over your face, you still look hot?" He joked, hugging me and making me laugh a little.

Nash was so different than the rest of the guys. He cared so much about everyone even when they do wrong. He was sweet and although he looked like a ladies man, he wasn't. He didn't really talk to a lot of girls besides the fans but he was very kind to all girls. It was just part of who he was.

"Are you okay kiddo? A lot happened tonight. And these past few months. I don't know you just don't seem the same since tour started." I sighed, took his hands and went over to the bed.

"I don't know. This tour really stressed me out. I have to keep up with schooling and check up on my sister and pay bills while on the road. I also have to make sure I call my brother every night, which I haven't been able to do. I'm on tour with a bunch of guys that are so easy to fall for because I've seen you all at your best and worst. And it doesn't help that most of you guys fall for me. I am so stressed out with this tour. I love my fans so much and they aren't what's stressing me out. I ran out of my anxiety pills about two weeks into tour which doesn't help at all. We all go our separate ways in just two days and right now I'm not ready to let go. Now I don't know what is going to happen with Shawn and I or Jack and I or anyone. How the hell am I supposed to be sure of anything when you all look like this. It is actual torture. I've been through so much and you guys are all so refreshing until I realize how hot you all are." It was then that I noticed Cam had walked back in the room at some point and they both had their shirts off. I wasn't crying anymore I was simply rambling words that didn't even make any sense to me. I was exhausted and it was showing. The guys were laughing at me, but I didn't really care because of how tired I was.