Choosing

Chapter 32:Pre-Show

Bekah's POV~

I was pissed. I wasn't crying because I was sad. I cried because they all turned on me. I just needed them to support me because it was hard enough just seeing Josh, never mind actually giving him another chance.

"Bek, you need to give them some time. They only know you, so they are protective of you. They just don't want to see you hurt. None of us do. That's why they freaked out like that." Gilinsky said trying to calm me down.

"Guys you don't understand. Josh hurt me. He didn't do anything to anyone but me. He's not a bad guy and you two know that. Before he cheated, he treated me like a princess. When he cheated, we were going through a lot of problems. No that doesn't make it okay but he wasn't the only one at fault. He was my first and he was a big part of my life for three years. He helped me stop cutting. He helped me when my mom would come home drunk and try to attack me. He helped me get through so much stuff that you guys don't even know about. I can't just let that go no matter how much I may want to. I need the support of my friends throughout this because if or when something goes wrong I need to know that they will be there for me, not telling me 'I told you so'. I understand that no one wants to see me hurt. I don't want to be hurt the way he hurt me again. But how am I supposed to be happy if I always feel like I was simply never good for him or good enough to make the people who love me happy. I need to do this, but I also need my friends. All of them, and if they can't respect my decision and how hard it was to make this decision then they shouldn't be here."

"Bek they will support you if you give them the chance. If you feel you need to do this, we will be behind you. Just tell them you need their support. If you are willing to give him a second chance then I will give him a chance." Shawn said holding me against his chest. I nodded and pushed off of him, looking around the attic silently for a few moments.

"So much has happened in this place. There's so many memories. In that corner we kept a container of food and a case of water. That hole in the wood is from nailing sheets up to make our own clubhouse. That blood stain over there is from when we stayed up here for a week, and Gilinsky ended up getting a nose bleed so we had to come down. All the black spots are from us throwing a balloon filled with black paint around until it exploded on us. For my tenth birthday Gilinsky's sisters got me a cake and brought it over and we came up here and had a little party, because my dad was away and my mom was to high to remember. The marks on that wall are from when Ade was growing.  The sharpie lines are where Ade took her first steps, mom and dad weren't around for that either. Where we are sitting is where James made you two promise you would always help him protect  me and Ade and you would always be there when I needed you. This is were we promised to always be best friends no matter what. We used to have a portable dvd player and a radio up here. Up here is where we would talk about our crushes, and we would do our homework after school. This is where we all wrote our own songs. You guys made your YouTube and vine channels up here. I filmed my first cover up here. This is where I watched your first cover, Shawn. I came here to remember what it felt like to be happy and worry free. For a while Josh gave me that feeling, so I didn't have to come up here. This place helps me forget about all my problems because when we used to come up here my only problem was my parents. Now everything is different." The guys looked around the attic.

"Oh my gosh remember the time Molly and Laura came up here and we soaked them with the water guns. And the time we were playing cop and Johnson tried to be cool and roll to the edge of the stairs to look down but he stopped to late and rolled down the stairs. He smacked his head on the edge of the last step and needed stitches." The three of us started laughing and Shawn walked around the room, taking in all the marks on the walls. We talked about more of our old memories up here and continued to laugh.