After the Death Cure 2 ( The Maze Runner )

Chapter 49

Before I know it, it's lunch time. I've felt butterflies before...but not like this. This hurts. It feels as if knives are trying to break through my stomach from the inside. 

I'm used to the butterflies Newt gives me. When our eyes meet from across the room, when he shows me he cares about me by asking if I'm okay, when for a quick second our arms brush against each other...when he kisses me. Those are butterflies. This, well, I'm not sure what this is. Anxiety maybe? Depression? 

I'm now standing in the cafeteria. I look at all tge food, but the thought of eating makes me want to vomit. I push back the nausia, and force my feet to the lunch line. "Ready for another trip to Hell?" Minho says over his shoulder.

"Will I ever be?" I say, but it comes out like a choke. I clear my throat.

"You're more ready than anyone else." The conversation ends with that. I'm not in the mood to argue at who's more scared than who.

I sit at a table by myself. I can't look at anyone right now. They're all about to die, and it's my fault. If I had been stronger, this would all be over. We could have the cure, and I could have my friends. I could have Newt. 

But I don't want Newt anymore. None of this was real. I'm not real. I'm stuck with memories that aren't even mine. Who was I before the Maze? Then I remember...Joshua knows.

I leave the cafeteria, and surprisingly no one asked me where I was going. Not a Glader or Guard. 

I enter the Computer Room, where Joshua stands with his stupid clipboard. I'm really going to miss him and that clipboard.

"Joshua, please."

"You can't be in here," he puts a hand on my shoulder, looking at the door behind me as if Ava could walk in at any second.

"The shuck I can," I brush his arm away, "Before I go, you have to tell me who I am. Please."

"What do you mean?"

"Joshua you know very well what I mean. Who was I before the Maze? Where did I come from...Where did Newt come from?" I almost whisper the last question.

He looks around, and lets out a loud and long breath of air. "Orphans."

"Huh?" I accidentally let out in a manly sounding voice.

"You were all orphans. We collected immunes and nonimmunes from orphanages. We thought it would be...easier."

I shake my head. "I'm confused."

"You and Newt...you were never lovers. You barely even saw each other. I should have told you. But I couldn't-"

"Betray W.I.C.K.E.D. I know. You're one of them."

"No, no. I'm on your side." I try to turn away from him, but he grabs my shoulder, spining me back around. He continues, "I'm in love with you."

I stand with my mouth hanging wide open. I'm in shock. "Shut up. You're a shucking idiot." Not what I thought I was going to say, but still satisfying enough for me to leave. I begin to think about what I was just told.

I never loved Newt.

I hear an alarm go off, and Ava's voice blares, "Everyone is required to be in the lab within the next five minutes. All who are left behind will be terminated." The recording repeats over and over until everyone is in the lab. Tables with giant scary machines are lined all throughout the room.

This is it.