After the Death Cure 2 ( The Maze Runner )

Chapter 43 | Kenzie

I didn't mean to be so rude to him...But what I said was true. I don't know who I am. Did I love someone else before him? Would that even matter anymore because I love Newt?
I just wish I could control my own life.
It's like WICKED has a leash on all of us. Like what we say and think isn't real. It's just not fair anymore, and it never has been.
We get sent into the Maze tomorrow. And by we, I mean me. All alone for a whole month. In the Maze.
The Maze.
I shoot up in a sitting position on my bed that I had laid down on just moments ago.
My hands shake violently as sweat trickles down my face. Shocks of pain in my head pound, as if there were a person in my skull trying to break free.
I grab my sheets, tightly squeezing them as I try to calm myself.
I'm having a panic attack.
My breathing speeds up with every second passing by. I hope to pass out soon, but I'm suddenly relieved when WICKED doctors burst into my room.
They must have been monitoring me.

I forget everything that happened afterwards. My eyes flutter open with the feeling of my sudden outburst only happening moments ago. "How long has it been?" I ask in a raspy tone while rubbing my eyes.
"Six hours. I almost thought you weren't going to be prepared for tomorrow."
My heart skips a beat at Ava's words.
But I pull myself together, for fear of someone else taking my place as first to be sent in. My arms fall to a dangling position off of the table I am stretched out on. "How long until morning?"
"It's only two o'clock. You still have time to speak with your friends. Before you forget them." She said that to spite me.
I clench my jaw, listening to her heels hit the floor as she exits the room.
I try to force myself back to sleep. I'm tired of saying goodbye to people. I want to forget. I want to die in the Maze. "Just kill me!" I yell through tightly closed teeth.
No one is here. They can't hear you.

Somehow I end up in the Training Room. Everyone is in there. They just stare at me like a kicked puppy or something. I want to cry, or even go on a Minho rage and punch the living klunk out of someone. And by someone, I mean Ava Paige.
My face contorts with anger as I reach for a bow, placing an arrow inside it. I feel a hand touch my shoulder. "I want to say that everything is going to be okay, but it's not. I know nothing about being alone in the Maze," Thomas takes a deep breath, and I know what he's about to say, "but Newt does. More than anyone alive, in that case. He had Alby, but he's not with us. And Newt is your boyfriend. He loves you, so talk to him."
I turn to face Thomas, but his "inspirational" speech obviously wasn't so "inspirational", "What's the point in talking if I'm going to forget the conversation?"
He only stares at me with a look of disappointment. "Is that what you really want to say?"
I hesitate, "Yes."
"You've done this to yourself, then." Thomas leaves at his last comment. Probably the last comment he'll ever say to me before I forget him.
"Whatever," I whisper to myself, watching him walk away.