Until eternity

Let it Go

It's 3 am and I've had one to many vodkas. I think we have all had one to many vodkas.  Well everyone but Ruth. She hasn't drank much tonight. She's a wine drinker, and the rest of us are drinking the hard stuff.

Theo is the center of the crowd and he is dancing all wild and crazy. I don't think Ruth likes it very much because she is sitting  on the lounge just fake smiling. 

Of course I'm right there by him cheering him on.  Everyone is cheering him on. The music starts to fade down, and you can hear the dj on the mic saying he is gonna take it down a noch so everyone can cool off.  I guess the pub is fixing to close. 

Me and Zoe go sit by Ruth, giggling from all the crazy dancing. Theo walks over to us and puts his hand out to Ruth. "May I have this dance."  She smiles and takes Theo's hand. 

I watch them walk over to the dance floor, and I feel Zoe put her hand on my back. I look at her and she winks at me and I wink back. 

Miles and Ansel come up to us and ask us to dance. They both have girlfriends, but Miles and Ansel have become like brothers to us.

Yah they joke with us and all but its just them being goofballs. At the end of the day we know they got our backs.

I'm dancing with Miles when he asks me, where my Mr. Right is? I get kind of thrown off because Theo is the one that pops into my head.

I look up at Miles, and tell him. "I guess its just not in the cards for me yet." He tells me, well maybe Prince charming got lost.

I start laughing and tell him or maybe he got hit by a bus.  I lean my head on his shoulder and we continue to dance. 

The DJ comes on and says its last dance, and he is taking it way back.  Its Expose and its their song  "I'll say goodbye for the two of us."

Miles is swaying to the music, telling me this song is gonna make everyone in here start crying. I look up at him, and tell him jokingly "You need a tissue." We laugh and I go back to leaning my head on his shoulder.

I start humming the words to the song. Its a beautiful song, and before I know it i'm singing the words. Miles is whispering in my ear how beautiful my voice is.

I smile and close my eyes and keep singing.  In that moment I feel like I'm letting go. Letting go of all that has happened since we started filming. 

Its my anthem song, my final farewell to the dreams, the feelings, thoughts, love I have developed for Theo. 

The song is almost over and when I open my eyes Theo is staring at me, his eyes look glossy, not drunk glossy, sad glossy.

He's staring right at me, as he is holding Ruth dancing. I look him straight in the eyes and its like he knows. 

He knows exactly what I feel. I start to feel the tears build, and I decide to break the stare before I lose it and they start flowing. 

Of course Zoe comes to the rescue, and pulls me away from Miles and yells we gotta go to the bathroom.

As soon as we get in the bathroom she locks the door and asks me if I'm okay. I try to play it off and ask her what she means.

"Cut the crap Woodley."  If that wasn't a good bye song I don't know what is. The way you where singing the expression on your face, Its like you where letting go. 

Don't get me started on Theo, she says. As soon as you started singing, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. 

Good thing Miles, Ansel, and Ruth couldn't see him. I mean the guy looked mesmerized by you. I don't mean that in a good way. He looks like he was gonna fall apart. She keeps rambling on and on about Theo and I yell....

"OKAY!!! ZOE YOU WIN! Your right! Your right about everything. Of course I would of rather you left the part out about Theo, but yes you're right. I'm letting go. It is what it is. I can't keep living like this. Its never gonna happen, and especially not by my doing. When that song came on I just identified with it. I mean do you see him and Ruth together. They love each other, they have history. Theo and I well we've been together so much, we live in the same place for godsakes! Its bound to have happen. We are only human. Maybe everything we are feeling is hormones. After seeing him tonight, I've decided its time to let go, and let live.  He loves her, they have history, and me well I'm just a co-star. So yah I'm not okay, but I will be. I need to try to move on and it starts now!"

I plummit to the grown and wrap my hands over my knees. Zoe comes over to me, and looks me straight in the eyes...."We need to get you laid!" 

I'm staring at her trying not to laugh, but she starts winking at me, making obscene gestures and I lose it. I start laughing so hard I'm gonna pee all over myself. I run to the stall.

When I'm done, I come out wash my hands, and she is leaning against the wall by the door. "All better?" she asks me.

I pull her in for a hug and tell her I'd be lost without her. We walk arm in arm back out and everyone is waiting on us.

Miles of course starts making his smart ass comments. "Geez ladies, what where yall doing in there?" Hes making googly eyes at us as he says this.

I walk up to him and whisper in his ear, "Wouldn't you like to know." and with that he gets a bit embarrassed and I tell him..Thanks for dance Teller. 

Me and Zoe start walking out of the Pub arm and arm and everyone else follows. We decided to walk home, some fresh air might be good. 

We are right around the corner from our hotel when we see a bunch of paps lingering around. Crap they must of got word we where out.

Theo stops the group and tells us we need to cut through the alley and go in through the back. We all agree and start jogging through the alley. 

I yell at Zoe telling her Heels where a bad Idea. That's when I hear someone yell "There they are!"

We all start cursing and start sprinting when we make it to the back door, and in before they could catch up to us. 

We head for the elevators and Zoe tells me to crash with her at her room. Theo gives a quick glance at us, and I tell her sure why not.

Of course Miles and Ansel ask if they can join our sleepover, and we just roll our eyes. Its our floor and we hug everyone goodnite.

 When I get to Theo, he squeezes me extra tight, and puts his lips on the side of my head. I quickly pull away as Zoe is telling Ruth its good to see her again. We step out of the elevator, and Theo stares at me until the door closes.

We head into her place, and I tell her I just want to sleep, she doesn't argue and we head to bed.