Until eternity

And so it goes

We finally finished filming for the night, I decided to go ahead and shower here in my trailer since everyone is meeting up at our place. I turn the radio on and let the stress wash away. 

I'm kinda greatful Miles came up with the idea, it helps me avoid the Theo situation.  I know we will have to deal with this sooner or later but right now I can't.

I just hate myself for what I did. Ya, I know it takes two to tango (no pun intended) but had I not told Theo I wanted him, we probably wouldn't of got out of control.

I was floating on cloud 9 until I overheard Theo talking to Ruth. That cloud crashed and burned real quick. I literally saw flames and smoke.

I head to the bedroom to change clothes and just my luck, Theo is sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Shai before you say anything please hear me out." 

My first instinct is to run, run right out of this trailer, but he looks lost and hurt and well I'm only in a towel. I guess I owe him that much for storming out on him earlier.

I sit next to him and he is nervous. All I can think is here it comes. The "we made a mistake" speech, "Its not you, its me" crap everyone dreads hearing. 

"Shai, I love you." 

Well I wasn't expecting that. I turn away because I need to be cautious about what happens. Again Ruth pops up into my head.

"Shai, please look at me." I turn his way and I'm fighting back the tears. I don't know what to say. "I love you too" is what I want to say but decide its best to keep it to myself. 

"Shai how did we get here. I've been racking my brain, and I don't regret what happened. Please don't think I've done this before. In fact I can honestly say I've never really loved any other girl besides Ruth and well You. I hate myself for putting you through this. All evening my mind has been slipping into a battle of right and wrong and well at the end of every reason, every scenario I try to come up with..... its you. You are there and I truly do still love Ruth but its different now. We've had many great years and many great arguments but I guess I've known for awhile now my feelings have grown different for her. I feel so bad because I always felt marrying her was the most realistic and proper thing to do but then I met you. 
Maybe we fell in love at the wrong time but every time I try to picture letting you go so you can have a real shot at love, It breaks my heart."
"Shai, please say something."
All that comes out of my mouth is.. "So don't"
Don't what, Shai? 

I say the four words I know I shouldn't....Don't let me go and with that are lips collide. Theo kisses me with a force that can only be described as electricity running through my body. 

Our lips move in sync like they were made for each other and we can't get enough. The intensity level grows with every touch and I want him, all of him. I pull at his shirt and in one swift move it is off and he is pulling me farther onto the bed.

The towel I had on is no where to be found, and just like before we are one. Every part of him feels like heaven. He is gentle with me, taking his time with every touch, every kiss, every movement.  We are both holding on to this moment, like we never want it to end. 

He whispers my name as he pulls me tighter to him and I do the same. Together we reach our limit and let go. 

We continue to lay there holding each other. Theo is caressing my back and I have one hand on his heart while the other holds onto him like I'm gonna lose him.

I never thought I'd be that girl. "That girl" what a hypocrite. Theo whispers "Shai your not that girl." I pull away from him and sit up.

"Yes, you were thinking out loud." I go to stand up and Theo grabs my hand. "Shai, baby don't walk away. Your not that girl." 

He climbs off the bed and pulls me in for a hug. "Theo, I'm sorry I don't mean to ruin the moment but, I feel like we are on borrowed time." 

"Shai I love you. I always will." We will get through this but please don't feel like your any less of a person because of my current situation.

Situation, I sound like such an Ass. I'm the one who should feel bad not you." We both start to laugh a little.

He kisses me one last time, and says we better get going. "We can't be late to host our own party. The party Miles insisted we were having."

We get dressed and head to his jeep. Not many people are around and no one seems to care that me and Theo are leaving my trailer together. 

It has become the norm anyway. He helps me into his Jeep and before we drive off he grabs my hand and kisses it. We continue to ride home hand in hand and all I think is how much I would love to have this every day.