Until eternity

Let it Go...

I open the door and Theo is just staring at me, his eyes they have a sadness to them. We are staring at each other as we have in the past a little to long.

Its like we are both trying to read each others thoughts, like we are both hesitating if he should come in. 

I take a deep breath and reach for his hand, he let's out a huge sigh, and its almost like he was waiting for me to send him away and when I didn't he was relieved.

Once he's in my trailer I go sit on my couch and stare out the window waiting to hear what he has to say.

He calls my name and I close my eyes while thinking the worst. I feel him sit down next to me but I don't have the courage to look him in the eyes.

I feel him put his hand on my chin while gently whispering "Please Shai, look at me." As I open my eyes and look into his, I realize one thing.

Everytime I look at Theo I fall in love with him, over and over. 

I don't know why at this moment my mind decides to realize what I had been denying all this time. I am madly, deeply in love with Theo James and I don't know how to stop.

He doesn't let go of my chin and our eyes are chasing each others. I feel a panic attack coming on because I'm trying to keep from bursting into tears. 

The words "3 days" keep repeating over and over in my mind and I feel a tear start to roll down my cheek.

Theo tries  to wipe it away and I jerk back like if he was trying to hurt me. I quickly stand up and start pacing back and forth trying to find the words to speak.

He's about to say something when a knock interrupts us. He rolls his eyes and I yell, "who is it!" Its one of the assistants letting me know I'm late for hair and makeup.

I tell her I'm on my way and she asks me to swing by Theo's trailer and let him know also. I just say okay and turn to Theo.

I don't know what to say so I grab my phone and head for the door. He grabs my wrist and I turn and look at him.

He says my name and I cut him off. "Theo please don't. We have a big scene tonight and I don't want my mind clouded."

He nods in agreement and follows me to Hair and makeup. We don't say anything to each other on the way and its okay with me.

We are fixing to climb the ferris wheel and its freezing out. We've gone through the whole group banter and I've taken off from the group. 

Neil asks me and Theo to climb the ferris wheel to get the feel of it. Its a full moon out and even though its freezing just for a moment my worries are gone.

As we are going up Neil is instructing us at which points to stop and talk, what point that  I almost fall,  before I know it Theo pulls my pants down.

Yep straight down, and I turn and look at him and all that comes out of my mouth is REALLY! I go to pull them up and I hear Neil on the intercom...

"Hey Shai, there's already a full moon out, no need to show yours." Of course I'm wearing spandex underneath so he didn't show my ass to anyone.

I just bust out laughing and tell Theo I will get him back. Neil tells us to get down so we can officially start filming. 

We have gone through it a few times and its freezing, inbetween takes Theo and I are cuddled against each other because we don't want to keep climbing all the way down and just to go back up.

After 6 takes, Neil is satisfied with all the different angles. Those six takes have translated into hours. When Neil finally decides we are done for the night he lets us go.

Theo starts to walk ahead and I tell him, After your little stunt you get to give me a piggy back ride to my trailer. He whines at first but then gives in.

I jump on his back and we start talking about random stuff like nothing happened before. These are the moments I miss. The moments I live for.

I feel like we don't get those that often anymore because things have gotten complicated, but I miss this. The best friend, random conversations about anything and everything.

I tell Theo to hurry up because I'm about to pass out. I want to go home to my warm bed and sleep away today.

Of course the Theo I know gives in to the comment, and asks if I want company. I laugh sarcastically and ask if he wants to beef in between the Shai and Ruth sandwich. 

I can tell he didn't like that comment because he doesn't say anything else and I don't either. We make it to my trailer and he tells me coldy, "As promised one piggy back ride for being an ass tonight." 

I ask him if he wants to come in, and he declines. I start to ask if he is okay when Zoe comes around the corner.

"Finally you guys are done!" She says and asks how it went. We did the paintball and flag scene before so we could have more time to do the ferris wheel scene.

I start to tell her great, when Theo cuts me off and asks Zoe if she minds giving me a ride home. Her and I look at each other and she says no problem.

He doesn't say anthing  and turns to go. I start to head after him, but Zoe tells me Don't. I ask her why not and she tells me, I think he wants to be alone.

Just let him go, she says and with hesitation I do.....

I