Until eternity

Lies

Zoe and I are heading home when she decides we need a drink. I try to object, but I've learned after all these months you don't argue with Zo.  She always gets her way.

We've been sitting at the pub for an hour now and I can't stop looking at my phone. I've been hoping Theo would have texted me by now.

Hey, who am I kidding he's probably spending time with Ruth.  I'm tempted to text him myself when Zoe tells me to give it a rest.

The whole point is for us to unwind, and I laugh at her and agree. I put my phone in my bag and we start talking.

Theo POV

Ruth do you really have to leave first thing in the morning, I mean we only have 2 more days. I was hoping you'd stick around for the wrap party.

I hate myself right now as I make this false plea. I'm sort of relieved she has to head back earlier than expected because of work.

Shai and I.....I don't want to leave things on a bad note. I feel like we have unfinished business and  after the wrap party I won't see her until we do re-shoots if needed or the premier. 

She is gonna start filming another movie with Ansel next month and well I.....

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Ruth waving her hand in my face..

Hello! Earth to Theo!!!  Ruth seems frustrated because she has been talking and I wasn't paying attention.

I immediately apologize and tell her I'm just bummed she isn't gonna be here and she immediately changes her mood. She reaches up and kisses me and for the first time it feels... 

It feels....different? I casually pull away from the kiss and pull her in for a hug, and tell her how much I will miss her. 

She giggles a bit and tells me don't worry, Shai will keep me company. I close my eyes with that comment and hug her a little tighter.

"I suppose your right," I say and she doesn't suspect a thing and tells me not to worry, I will see her back home in London in two weeks.

My publicist wants me to hang around Chicago for a couple of weeks because she has set up some interviews and photo shoots for me. I wonder if Shai is sticking around.

There I go again thinking of Shai while holding my girlfriend. The girl I've been with for years, and always planned to marry. Again my thoughts have ran away with me because I'm pulled from my trans by Ruth.

"Hello, earth to Theo what has gotten in to you. I feel like your mind is somewhere else. Any longer and I would of suffocated in that chest of yours." I realize I've been squeezing her a bit to hard and let go.

I apologize and kiss her forehead. I give her the excuse I'm exhausted and want to shower and head to bed. She starts to rub her finger down my chest and asks me if I want any company while looking at me seductively.

I instinctly say yes, because well she's my girl and I do love her, but then again it could just be that Chauvinist pig that lives inside me.

She is leaving in the morning and if I say no, she will get upset and wonder why I'm denying her. Again leading her on.....Lies.....

As she heads to the shower my phone beeps, I'm hoping its Shai just because its late and I want to know she is okay. 

I did basically let on I didn't want to be around her tonight.  After the Ruth sandwich comment I don't know it just made me upset. Not so much at her but myself. 

"Staying at Zoe's tonight, yall don't wait up. -S

I smile a little smile of relief and just in time for Ruth to catch me. "Hey babe what's got you smiling."

I immediately tell her its Miles sending me a joke. Again Lie, she wants to see it and of course I toss my phone onto the bed and tell her "Later, we have business to take care of." 

I make my way to her giving her that Theo charm and just like that she is dragging me into the shower.

I'm lying in bed with my guitar in my hand. I hadn't picked it up in awhile but I always keep one with me. I'm humming and playing random cords.

Ruth is fast asleep and she looks happy, peaceful. I don't have to go into detail what happened in the shower its obvious and I feel guilty.

Guilty that I enjoyed it, yet it felt like my mind was into it but not my heart. How did it come to this....

Visions of Ruth and Shai play in my mind when I start singing... 

They say music is the gateway to your soul and I agree because at the moment the song I'm singing could be for either one of them.

As I realize this, I close my eyes and drift off into sleep.

I must be dreaming because I'm standing at a fork in the road and two different paths lie ahead of me. I'm pacing back and forth and I feel the panic set in. 

I jerk up and realize a tear has fallen down my cheek. I look over at Ruth and she is fast asleep. I think to myself.......Theo James what have you gotten yourself into.