Fate

Chapter 49: Foot Shopping

"You'll spend your whole life trying to find out what is wrong you that you'll forget to count the rights."

The stars were shining so brightly, enveloping the black curtain of the sky. The cold breeze of air tickled my skin ever so softly and I fell asleep on the sound of the birds waking up.

I woke up on the bed even though I remember sleeping on the cold floor of the balacony. A small smile tugged on my lips at the thought that Daniel actually didn't want me to sleep in the cold weather and carried me to bed. I've never had the feeling of someone actually genuinely caring for me in god knows when. Memories of yesterday kept dancing at the back of my mind, and hell was it a good dancer. I still can't wrap my finger at how they did this to me. I'm still in a state of shock. Maybe it was just a dream—no, maybe it was a nightmare. And maybe it'll end now. I closed my eyes firmly, to supress my feelings. I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes to stop the pain. I closed my eyes, to consume the fear. The fear of self-loathe and the unworthiness I've always felt. The fear of being left and never being good enough. I closed my eyes to forget. Like hell I can ever. I closed it, as if it might disappear.

I shut my eyes off, like I shut people off.
who said love completes you? It breaks you. It's the most powerful force, it pulls you in, and shatters you, to unending pieces. But can you even get those pieces back again together? But then again, maybe not. Because I've always felt like I'm a whole when I'm with Daniel. Maybe love really never breaks you. The wrong one does. It was our fate not to be together, he was a cheater after all.

It's hard to ignore something you live with. I can't ignore the pain forever, because even if I feel better knowing the truth, the pain is still there.

Sometimes I just wonder why. I wonder why this world was made this way. Why do we love the people that hurts us and hurt the people that loves us? Why do we feel unpretty when others will wish for our bodies and looks. Why don't we see the good in ourselves? Why does the universe shuts every chance of thinking positively in your face? Why does depression doesn't have an answer, when all your doors are closed and you find no one to talk to. What does the universe hold for us honestly? Why do we feel so unlucky to the point that we don't believe in luck anymore. that we feel completely and utterly broken. To the point that some ends their life, or even think about it for a second. to the point that we hurt our bodies, by cutting, smoking and drinking. But shouldn't we learn that respecting ourselves will lead others to respect you?

Hasn't confidence always been the key?

Then why does it feel like we even need a key to achieve confidence?

Why don't we wake up one day and feel good about ourselves?

Sometimes we can never feel beautiful unless someone tells us we are, or shows us. And sometimes we need to stare at ourselves in the mirror, and wonder how God amazingly created our souls. To really stare at ourselves, to know what we are worth. Even though Daniel, Sebastian and André told me I'm beautiful. It will never mean anything to me unless I think I'm. But in the case, then I'm beautiful before he told me. Before they did.

And for the first time in forever, I don't feel that bad about myself.

"Good morning." Daniel barged into the room with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"When did you wake up?" I asked him,

"I didn't sleep—" He replied and I cut him off with a curse.