Side 1: Cole Sprouse

34

It's been exactly 4 weeks and I haven't heard or seen Cole.

I was of course scared and unsure if he was okay but when I tried to call him it said his number was out of service. I felt a mix of emotion, more emotion in a second then I felt all my life. I cried alot, infact I cried more then I think is healthy. I tried to go by his house but no one would answer, I called Dylan and he told me to just forget Cole ever existed. It hurt alot to hear Dylan say that because I've tried to so hard to get Cole, I wanted him for so long but when I told Dylan he spoke to me for a moment. Our conversation was tense even if he gave me vague answers but after hours of pressing further until I got the answers I wanted he finally exploded. He finally told me the truth.

"This is what Cole does! He lures In a beautiful girl and makes them feel like they are on cloud nine then he'll leave them hanging. He'll just disapear from thin air without an explanation. People like him are incapable of loving so he makes it that the people around them feel his hurt he feels. Cole is very very insecure, weak and constantly living with doubt. No one can change that and no matter how hard you try you, you just can't. He will take your heart then he'll take you breath away. He's an oxygen theif. He's not gonna come back for you ever. He's gonna treat it like you never existed and that's it. You should be happy because you were the only person that managed to get him to ditch his girlfriend and stay with you for a long time."

I was in tears and at risk of causing self harm at his words. Cole no only broke my heart but he was chipping away at the shattered pieces. I didn't want to believe it so I didn't. I pestered and pestered his brother on the phone till he told me the truth, until he told me what I wanted to hear. I told him all the genuine things that happened between us two. I told him about how he held me, talked to me, journeyed with me and kissed me but he only seemed to grow fustrated.

"You think he meant those kisses to mean something sacred? He meant for them to be deep and passionate. He wanted you remember those kisses when you open and close your eyes. He kissed you in every beautiful place not because it was gorgeous but because he wanted you to think about him every time you went there. He wanted to make everything beautiful to you to have a bad memory attached so you won't forget him. He's twisted and you wanted to get intertwined in his game. Look I'll send you a picture of the note he wrote in his journal."

And that he did, I got the note and I felt body shake with each sentence.

It took me a moment but then I hung up the phone and began wallowing in my own misery for days. I barely ate and I looked to my mom and a few other people for words of encouragement and although it was helpful I would need some time to get back on my feet. It wasn't simple to just walk away from someone I was madly in love with.

I tried so hard. I tried harder then anyone could ever imagine, and here I am trying to forget everything we shared. I was trying to forget every piece of him, the way he would smell, the feeling of his skin but I can still feel him. I think I always will.