Try Hard

Chapter 13

Louis POV

Its been ages since I've talked to Ellie. I just had to leave because if I didn't I knew that I would start falling for her. I know it's already too late but I left anyway to save her from the pain from falling for me because ultimately she would be dissapointed. I wouldn't be the guy she deserves I wouldn't be able to be there for her even though I would try it wouldn't matter eventually we would drift apart. Because I am not capable of loving some one I just bring them pain.

I walked the streets of London the rain falling like it always did making the hair at the back of my neck sticking to me. I didn't bother with putting my hood up I really didn't care.

The neon lights if clubs and other shops shined over head. I didn't tell anyone where I was going it was usual that I would just get up and leave my family always knew I would come back. But this time I feel as if I won't come back as if the life of others would be much simpler without me that they won't suffer from all the pain of me being there.

But then there's Ellie her bright hazel eyes that always make me question what she is thinking. The way she smiles and the feeling I get when she does smile. I know it sounds so cliché that a guy like me gets softened by a girl like her but I swear it's not like that. There are so many other things that lead to us not being together in this very instant. I just couldn't let them hurt her. I can't let anyone hurt her. Even if that means I have to hurt her to protect her.

I know she probably hates me and is telling everyone she hates me. But I'm glad she feels some emotion towards me hatred is better than feeling nothing. Hatred is a passionate emotion and I'm thankful that there is one passionate feeling that she feels even if it isn't love.

I was brought out of my thoughts by two girls in tight dresses stumbling out of a club with a loud techno music spilling out. I looked at the two girls as they giggled and stumbled over eachother as they clinged to eachother. I know they shouldn't be wondering the streets of London at this time of night wearing barely anything and drunk on their ass but it was their choice to get drunk. One girl looked up her hazel eyes made me immediately think of Ellie but she wasn't her. This girls eyes were blue shot and glasses over like she wouldn't be able to form coherent sentences or words if that. I shook my head and continued to walk.

I walked to the building I'm staying at with my friend and walked up the old creaking stairs. I unlocked the door having to slam my shoulder against it because it usually gets stuck. I walked in and the only light was coming from the tv and Cole with his arms wrapped out a girl they're lips attached and I looked away knowing I will start to remember what it felt like to have Ellie's arms around me.

I walked to the room it was crashing in and laid down in the bed. I could sleep. The room felt stuffy and humid but I still felt cold. I could get her out of my head no matter how many times. I tried bringing girls home but in the end I would just lay in bed with a random girl clingy to me and immediately regretting what I had just done. I felt as if a thousand knifes pierced my heart and each time I slept with another girl a thousand more knifes where added as if the pain before wasn't enough.

I knew I would be able to sleep so I just got back up and did what I always did. I went where ever my feet would take me.

After hours of driving I arrived to her house I sat in the car for a while debating what to do. I thought of things to say over and over in my head and yet nothing seemed right. I looked in the rear view mirror I had bags under my eyes and I haven't shaved for a few days so have some stubble.

I looked at her house the lights were still on and an unfamiliar car was parked in the driveway. The light in her room was on but the curtains where drawn closed. I saw her shadowy silhouette as she walked around. Then the light shut off and she was gone.

Finally I got out of the car and walked up to her house debating if I should have came or not but my hand reached the door bell and pushed it. I heard te faint footsteps from someone inside as I stood outside the door anxiously.

The door swing open and guy about five or six years older than me with the same dark hair and grey eyes that Ellie has looked at me with his brows furrowed.

"How can I help you?" he asked his tone full of authority.

"Is Ellie here?" I asked glancing over his shoulder.

There she was her long dark wavy hair cascading down her back and her laugh ringing through the house as she cared a bowl of chips to the people in the living room. I instantly regretted coming here.

"Yes." he said warily.

"Can I speak to her?" I asked getting annoyed by him.

"ELLIE THE DOOR!" He yelled and then took one last look at me and closed the door.

I stood there a few moments as I heard her voice on the other side of the door ask who it is and the guy just said he didn't know and I could hear him shrug his shoulders.

Then there she was her eyes looking at me unsure. I couldn't help but look at her her pink lips open a bit as if to say something. She looked back over her shoulder and then closed the door leaving just me and her.

"Louis." she breathed out.

"I'm sorry I was so stupid I just I don't know what I did but I'm so stupid I miss you and it's just like I'm not good with words but I just can't you out of my mind I know you probably moved on I'm how couldn't you you are perfect but I want you to know I was just so stupid so fucking stupid." I said and looked up her eyes wide and checks flushed.

Them I felt her arms around me and I couldn't help but pull her closer I my face nuzzled in her coconut scented hair and feeling her warmth pressed against me. My clothes still damp from the rain but it seemed that she didn't care. Finally she pulled away her eyes bright and a smile playing on her lips.

"You're so stupid." she said then pulled me closer and her soft lips collided with my chapped ones and I felt as if everything was where it was suppose to be.