Try Hard

Chapter 30

Ellie
the next night
Louis was gone late again tonight and instead of waiting up for him I fell asleep in my bed. I woke up to the flare door opening and closing loudly and him groaning I turned on a light and sat up looking over at the clock. 2:30 am.

I threw the sheets off of me and walked over to the kitchen to see Louis leaning against the wall he smelt strongly of alcohol and his eyes were bloodshot. "Lou." I coped not feeling up to being upset with him but I felt rather sad for him. He was beginning to fall back into his horrible ways. Those were his darker days and he told me that for me he would become clean and he was until now. "Babe." I said agains causing him to look up at me.

"I'm a fucking mess." he cried falling down the wall and placing his head between his knees.

"I can't say that I disagree." I said letting out a low chuckle trying to lighten the mood.

"Seriously, Ellie why the fuck am I here with you. You are literally the definition of perfection and I'm just the literal definition of trash." he said his voice muffled from his knees.

"Where the hell is this coming from?" I questioned.

"I don't even fucking know El." he said looking up his blue eyes shiny with tears threatening to fall.

"Get up." I said grabbing my coat from a chair and slipping on some boots. "Come on. We are going out for coffee."

"At almost three in the morning?" he questioned reluctantly getting up.

"Yeah why not." I shrugged holding out my hand to him as he hesitantly took it.

His hands were rough in mine as I lead him down the stairs as he hiccuped and cried trying to blink back the tears. I called a taxi cab and told him to take me to the nearest coffee shop that is opened right now. He nodded his head not even batting an eyelash at a crying boy leaning on my shoulder or my pj bottoms. I looked down at Louis his eyes were closed as he tried to even his breathing his hand still in mine as he squeezed it every few minutes as if making sure I was still there with him.

"I love you." i mumbled into his hair that smelt like smoke.

He groaned as he brought my hand to his lips. The driver pulled up to a small quaint little shop and I handed him the money as me and Louis stumbled out of the cab. I placed Louis down in a booth as he lain his head down in his arms. I ordered myself a hot chocolate and him some water. The barista just gave me an odd look but then she shook it off handing me the drinks as I paid and thanked her walking over to Louis. Sliding him his water.

We drank in silence for a few minutes Louis's eyes glazed over as he looked out the window and my eyes curious as I watched him. I had no idea what he would say or do next because Louis was unpredictable and I could never tell what he was really thinking and this always worried me. I always worried that I wasn't enough for him and that he would leave me for someone that wouldn't love him as much as I did. I thought moving to the city would make things easier because it was a change but I still felt stressed and anxious about everything.

"I'm gonna leave." Louis said breaking me out of my thoughts as I almost spit out my drink.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered my throat burning.

"El, I'm going to leave." he sighed looking at me his eyes that were usually bright and wild were dark and sad.

"I know but why?" I asked not looking at him because I knew I would start crying.

"You need a new start and I'm over here holding you back." he said taking my shaking hand into his.

"No." I breathed still looking down.