The room 102 - z.m fics

Don't let me down

The rest of the day was easy to deal with. We decided to travel around the whole Los Angeles city the whole next day, show Trisha and Yaser all our favorite places in our favorite place.
Yaser looked kinda distanced from everybody in that house, I didn't know it was just because of me or because he missed his son and that was his way of assimilating everything but it was just hard to get. I tried to talk to him for some moments and he always gave me short replies.

- Zayn.. - I said walking in his room. I knew he was there. - Zayn ? Baby ? - nobody replied. - Zayn ? - the bathroom's door was closed so I decided to open.
The air was intoxicated. I could feel it in my lungs and I couldn't not cough after breathing that kind of air. I felt like I was in a room full of young teenagers doing weird drugs to be accepted by the others. I felt weird right there. I kept my eyes closed because I knew if I opened it would be much worse.
I felt a hand grabbing my hair and taking me away from somewhere.
- Christine! - I opened my eyes and I could see Zayn looking at me with red eyes and a bad breathe.
- Zayn..Zayn..what happened in the bathroom ? - I tried to find something but the door was already closed. I kept coughing for some time.
- It..it doesn't matter babe. Are you good ?
- give me a minute.
I went to outside and kept coughing. He was next to me with his both hands on my back trying to make me cough deeper so I could feel a way better. After drinking a lot of water, breathing fresh hair and take a pill, we could finally talk and I knew what was going on. I just didn't want to believe. 3 am, the air was cold and so was my heart.

- can you please, tell me everything now. Just tell me.
- why tell you if you already know the truth ? - he looked above and then at me again.
- I wish I didn't know, I wish it wasn't you.
- it wasn't me ?
- yes. It wasn't you who could get addicted into this bullshit. How did survive all of this time without telling me ?
- Chris..I started two years ago ok ? But I'm not that addicted.
- how many days for week ?
- it used to be 3 in 3 days but since you appeared on my life I started to stop.
- so why today ?
- you know why, you are a nurse. I felt like I needed..
- do you know what I know ? I know that you have to stop, I know that you can't kept doing this, I know that you will have bad days but I will be here and I will save you from this huge mess. Did you think was easy to see people dying in front of me from overdose ? Do you think it's easy to see innocent people dying just because a stupid wrong addiction ?!
- I..I am sorry. - his voice started to fade, my throat started to get heavier that made it hard to breathe. - I tried to find my end somewhere and I thought this would be the best thing.
- The..the best thing ? Zayn..Zayn.. And you still want your end to come ? Is that what you want ?
- NO! Not anymore..I don't want it to come, I don't want to die now. I want to live a whole life, making you happy.
- so why you still doing this ? Why you still ejecting those drugs inside a body that is so loved and needed like yours ? - I held his hands with my strength.
- because..I can't stop now. I just can't. I still..I still have it on my room and..
" I still have it on my room " that was enough to make me run to his room and search for it, take it to the trash and never see it again. It was killing me the fact he was killing himself..slowly.
He followed my steps with his arms hugging my knees, he was begging for me to stop, with tears in his eyes. I ended up by hugging him in the floor, after taking away every cigaret full of drug, every material I could see that was related to this big addiction.
- I don't want to disappoint you..I don't deserve you. - he kept saying.
- I love you. I deserve you and you deserve me. I just don't want to lose you once again, I don't want to leave you with this. I don't want to see my boyfriend dying.
- I want to be better for you than your mom was but I think I am a way worse.
- don't say that bullshit, babe..you are the best thing that ever happened to me. If you didn't matter, I wouldn't be like this. I know I scream too much, I do too much but it's just because..I love you too much.
He didn't say a word, he leaned his head on my shoulder and kept crying until he fell asleep. I gave him kisses until I could calm him down. I stayed in the floor with the love of my life sleeping next to me, I wouldn't care where I could be, I just wanted to listen that sound..the sound of his heartbeat.
The floor was cold and there was raining outside. My head couldn't let me sleep, not even after I took Zayn to the bed. He was sleeping like an angel and I was awake like a devil. My thoughts were keeping me awake, my worries, my pain on my chest..everything.
I don't have anything against drugs but it's not a good thing when it becomes an addiction and you just can't leave it, especially when the person who you most love is addicted to it. I didn't want to lose him.

- babe ? - I was washing my face when I listened his voice from the bed.
- yeah ?
- good morning baby..did you sleep ?
- no..not even a bit.
- babe we can't go to Los Angeles trip on that way, you have to rest.
- no way, I can do it!
- they can go..I stay here taking care of you. Look at you..babe you look sick. You feel good ?
- yes Zayn, I'm not sick. I just didn't sleep.
- tell me you didn't cry while I was sleeping.

I couldn't lie.