A Turkish Delight☆

Chapter 18: Smoke Alarm!

Song: Everything Has Changed-Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

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Nadine:

I really like Saif, I really do. And I love him with all my heart, but just as a friend. Sounds crazy though, considering we're in a relationship, but I never thought we'd get this far, frankly I always thought I was way out of his league. Furthermore, I didn't want another friendship to get ruined because of a short-lived relationship. Maybe I've become cynical, or maybe I just don't believe in love. Its not like I was playing him, or wasn't loyal to him. I just wasn't ready to get into a serious relationship.

I was still processing the fact that him and I are a thing, when I was caught by a surprise when he casually came up with the ring and proposed, out of nowhere! And only after a month of us dating! It was too early. Quite honestly I never thought he would be so serious about this. I thought this was just another casual fling for him. Probably why I didn't take this relationship too seriously, until now. It would have been fine if I would have felt the same way for him, as he felt for me. Heck we could've gotten married just as soon as we landed in Karachi. But that was not the case, since I wasn't sure of how I felt about him.

Did I like him? Yes. Did I love him? Probably no. Did I want to spend my entire life with him? No. Was it too early for 'being together forever'? Probably yes.

He said 'he'll wait for me'. What is that supposed to mean? I can't just develop feelings for him overnight. Quite honestly, I don't think I'll ever love anyone.

Soon after this, I went to get an early flight booked instead of the one I had planned. But due to the Christmas season there weren't any flights available. So I had to spend the next 6 days with Saif, and with some serious awkwardness. The weird part was Saif stayed calm during the whole thing. He didn't ask me to leave, even though I practically rejected his proposal. He was acting pretty normal, messing up my hair, joking around, as if whatever happened was not a big deal for him. He acted like the same old, goofy Saif that I knew, that I adored. And this made me feel very awkward around him. How can someone be so normal?!?!

Maybe the reason he was behaving the way that he was, was because he wanted me to stop feeling guilty, and start acting normal, but I can't act normally after such a thing! I overthink, way more than I should, and I easily get guilt tripped. He didn't say anything, neither did his behaviour towards me change. Neither him, nor I, spoke on this topic after that day because, well, he wanted to give me some space. And all of this made me feel extremely guilty. I didn't know how to set things right between us. Although for him, everything was perfectly fine, or at least thats how he was trying to show, but for me, everything was getting worse day by day.

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It was the day of his birthday and my last day here. And probably the last time that he would be hearing from me. I did not know how things would go on from this point. What I did know was that I practically sabotaged my friendship with him. As much as I wanted things to go back to being normal I knew it was impossible. I wanted us to be friends again, and just forget whatever happened, in these past few weeks, starting from what happened on my balcony and on the ferris wheel. I wish there was a time machine to stop all of this. Sigh.

I was going to disappear from his life. I couldn't do this to him. This wasn't fair, neither for him, nor for me. So I thought, I should bid farewell in a proper manner. I prepared him some breakfast while he was still asleep. Scrambled eggs with cheese and toast were his all time favourite. I was going to surprise him with that and treat him like a king for the rest of the day. Like he is supposed to, because he is such a gem of a person, who fell for the wrong girl. As I was preparing breakfast, I felt Saif wrap his arm around my waist from behind and kiss me on the forehead.

"Uh. Saif.." I turned around trying to move away. But then I saw his face and it seemed as if he woke up from a really bad dream or something. "What happened Saif?"

"Please don't go Nadine, don't leave. At least not on my birthday."

"Saif. You know my flight is for tonight. I can't get any other ticket, you know that."

"All the more reason."

"What happened Saif?" I asked again.

"I just think you are going to leave me, I think you're going to disappear from my life. And I don't want you to leave me, ever. Even if you don't want to be with me, please don't leave me..." he continued, "I really really love you."

"Saif.. I.. I don't know what to say."

"Please don't go." He further insisted.

"I am not leaving right now haha, have the entire day with you Saif."

"That isn't enough!" He exclaimed.

"Calm down Saif."

"How can I calm down knowing that you're going to leave me?" He continued, "I don't know why you've built up these walls against me! I'm not asking you to love me. I'm not forcing you to love me either. But why are you letting your douchebag ex ruin your chances of leading a better life with someone else?"

"No, its not that..." I said, trying my best to control my tears.

"Then what is it?" He asked in a much calmer tone.

"What is it that is keeping you away from me?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" He came closer, "look at me, and tell me, what is it?"

How could I tell him? I myself had no answer to it.

"Tell me, I'm waiting."

"I don't know." My tongue was tied over these three words.

"You don't know why you do not love a person who has loved you with all their heart since the day they've met you?"

"Do you really love me all that much?" I asked.

"Do I? Hah!" He gave a sarcastic laugh, "do you know how long I've loved you? Since the day I first met you, the real you. And I've never stopped loving you since then, and I never will. You're the one that I need. You're the one that I want to wake up to every single morning. You're the one that I want to spoil and shower with all the possible gifts in the world, you're my love, my life, my princess. I love you so much it actually hurts. And this isn't a joke. I'm hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you. Now, is that a good enough answer for you?"

I couldn't control my emotions or my tears. I just leaned forward and kissed him.

"That's all I wanted to hear." He said and he kissed me back.

"Don't leave me. Ever." I said.

"I won't, I promise."

The rest of it is all a blur, but what I do remember is, us, being interrupted by the sound of the smoke alarm go off because I left the eggs cooking on the stove while I was with him, in his room.