Evolution

August 3 2014

Girls' camp was extremely fun. Margaret wasn't my secret sister haha, I really need to just stop guessing. It was Hana. She was literally one of the best secrets sisters I've had. I've been texting Andy a lot lately. I really like him, but I'm so confused.

It's like every day I tell myself that I'm being a stupid teenage girl, and I know I'll only be hurt in the end, but I still can't help liking him. And I know I'll be so annoyed with myself and the fact that I'm so obsessed, but I can't help it. It's like every day I tell myself NO, my feelings for him increase exponentially.

Now when I think about him my heart flutters like a bird in a cage against my ribs. I hate being such a sappy teenage girl, this is ridiculous. I wish I could just copy cute parts of our conversations into here. I don't think he even realizes how cute he is. I mean, the fact that he draws, and is really good at it, is extremely attractive. His height is quite attractive as well. It's also so cute when he play fights and has stupid arguments and debates with me. I like that he actually cares. Or at least that he pretends to. When I think of him, I think, "attractive," "funny," "silly," and a couple more adjectives describing him.

And even though each day I like him more and more, I'm really, really confused. Of course, I hope he has feelings for me, and I fear of being friend zoned. But at the same time, I know I can't date, and that I shouldn't. It's so conflicting. Especially that he sent me a text today that said, "LOVE YA, TA-TA!" I know for sure I would say that to my best friends, but I'd be too embarrassed and awkward to send it to a crush. Maybe he's different though.

Now I'm honestly convinced he is only a friend to me. And that hurts. But I'd rather him just be a friend than not in my life though. At this point, he's easily one of my best friends. I hope he likes me, but I don't want to ruin what we have for something that will only result in pain in the end.