Evolution

November 16 2014

Today's Sunday. Friday was actually a pretty good day. I saw Andy in the morning and after school. Friday morning was the usual, like he walked me to class, except with the extra time, we didn't kiss. It was kind of an extremely friendly hug, except he was kissing my neck. When he had to go, he looked down and was just like, woah. Because he made my neck red all over. Oops. He even started trying to adjust my shirt to try and hide it. I was thinking, silly boy, that's what hair is for!
After school we did kiss, and there was some tongue. It m not good yet, but at least I wasn't as totally helpless as last time.
Saturday we saw Big Hero 6. It was really cute. I sat next to him. My favorite part was when he held my hand though. The thing that I love is that it feels like he is meant for me. There is nothing that feels more right than his hand in mine or his arm around my waist. Everything with him just feels so right. In that theatre I just realized how much I love him. It was dark, but I could still see him as he walked in front of me as we made our way out of the theater after the movie. There's just something about the way he walks, and how he carries himself. He's almost goofy, I guess? I don't know how to describe it. He's... different. I have never looked at anyone and felt a love as great as I did in that moment. I don't know how it's possible for me to love him as much as I do.
And so, as of today- November 16, 2014, we're official. When we were face timing, he told his sister and brother in law that I'm his girlfriend. We're going to keep it pretty small, and only a few people, like friends, will know.
When we were On face time, he also told me that I'm gorgeous. He tells me a lot, and I'm starting to believe him when he says it. I don't see it, but if anyone was told that as strongly and passionately as he tells me, they would start to think it was true too. He told me, "I'm being 100% honest with you. You're gorgeous. And I want to fuck you."
I've never heard his voice stronger or seen him any more serious. The fact that he would say this to me really surprised me. At first he thought I was angry based off of my reaction. I was just really surprised and embarrassed.
I asked him if he meant it, and he said yes. Then he asked if I would want to.
"Yes," I told him. Then he asked, "On a scale of one to ten, how much?"
I wasn't sure of what to say at first, but I didn't want to make him upset, so I said, "ten."
I put my head down. When the embarrassment started to fade, I looked back up at him and said, "But you know we can't, right?"
Both of our moods had gotten more sad, and he said, "I know."
"What about you," I asked, "on a scale of one to ten?"
"Ten," he replied with the same tone of voice as I had when I responded.
This conversation made me so sad for some reason.
"We'll wait," he said reassuringly.
I asked, "But how long would you be willing to wait?"
"You'll be surprised at how long I will wait for you."

Just the way he was speaking and looking at me made me believe that he wasn't lying. I've never seen so much sadness and longing on my own face. I set my head down for a couple of minutes. When I took it back up, he said, "I love you Ali. I want to be with you forever and ever."