Evolution

July 17 2015

The things I'm doing? Like giving you countless chances? For never giving up? For sticking around after you broke my heart? For calling you every day? For waiting for you to get ahold of me for hours every day when you had no problem texting me? When you're just ignoring me? For taking everything mean you ever said to me? For taking everything you accused me of? I don't know how in the hell you don't feel loved because I was there. And when I couldn't be there I still let you know that I wanted to be and that you were in my heart. And when I tried to text you you weren't there. You didn't answer me. I needed you and you weren't there. You sit there and manipulate me and don't tell me if there's another girl and you make me worry and don't give me straight answers because either there is or you want me to think so. And I needed you. I called you crying. I cry myself to sleep every night because I needed you and you weren't there. And you were trying to scare me into thinking that there was another girl. I've been dragged along like that. You know that already. And I'm not going to be that girl. I don't want to go through that again. And to prevent that I'm stopping trying. Don't tell me how I am because you've been busy ignoring me for the past few weeks. Don't tell me I'm fine because you haven't seen me. Don't tell me what you don't know. I thought you knew me. But if you did, you would believe me. If you loved me, you wouldn't question me. You wouldn't put me through what you did. All I needed was a call. And you left me. You ignored me. You forgot about me. And that's exactly what you promised you wouldn't do. You broke all of your promises. If you really loved me, you would've kept them. If you really loved me the way I love you, you wouldn't have given up on me. If you loved me, you would've taken my word when I told you the truth. You would've believed me when I cried and bore my heart to you. You would've treated me right even after we were over. You would've cared about my feelings even if I was no longer yours. It hurts to know that all I was to you was a piece of meat. Because you ignored me. I needed you. I begged you to just send me a text because I wasn't okay and all I needed to push on was to know that you were still hanging in there. And I'm still not okay. But at least I learned something from you. I learned that love exists. I learned that it hurts so much. And I learned that it can't fix everything. I learned that love doesn't make you feel all better. Sometimes it's what makes you worse. And that lust will rule all. And maybe you really did love me. But you didn't love me the way that I love you. And I'm sorry, but I'm not playing this game anymore. I don't like this "blame game". It doesn't get us anywhere. Sitting and pointing fingers about who did what isn't going to fix the past. So if you want to try and fix the future, text me. If you want to dwell on the past, do it with someone else. I myself will be alone for a while, but as it appears that you've found someone else, I wish you happiness. I hope she's gorgeous and I hope she makes you the happiest man alive.