My life is craziness right now. The parents found out about homecoming like, the day after. I would be writing more, but I don't seem to have any free time anymore. And the parents are mad. It's really hard, because I'm so torn between them and him, basically. I want to make my parents proud, and I want to succeed, and get good grades, but I want Andy too, and the parents aren't too thrilled about me basically dating him.
They keep saying I'm basically dating him, but they don't understand. It's so hard to not want to, and they're saying I basically am anyways. If I basically am, why do I keep denying it? I don't want to. I love him, and I would love to be able to say, "he's my boyfriend," instead of, "it's complicated," when people ask. I would love to be his girlfriend. It makes me wonder, if my parents think I'm basically dating him, why do I even try to keep my social status as single? I really don't care about social statuses, but if I already am, why do I deny it? But it's okay. The titles don't matter to me. I know I love him, and he loves me (unless he's lying, but then I'm a fool.) But I trust him.
One thing he sent me on snapchat is seriously getting to me though. I was basically telling him about how I trust him not to break my heart, and I told him to take care of it because it's his. He said:
"I'll cement your heart with my warmth.
I'll carry your spirit with my arms.
I'll be here. Just for you."
I melted right there. He is perfection. I can't deal. Like when we were talking today, we talked about homecoming. Turns out I was right about one thing: I was the one to go for the second kiss. And how many there were after. I'm still not sure. I honestly don't remember much other than thinking I wanted to kiss him again. I guess I did. Turns out he was only planning on one kiss. Whoops. Sorry not sorry... I had no self control and I can hardly remember anything clearly. He, on the other hand, can remember everything clearly. He also said he wanted to keep going, but the song ended. Even though I don't remember much, I still know the feeling is mutual. I definitely wanted to keep going. (Crap, I couldn't stop!)
That's one thing that seriously worries me. I want so badly to kiss him again, and to hug him, but I have no self control. I can't trust myself. I crave him, all of the time. It scares me. Every day I tell myself there's no way I could love him more; every day I prove myself wrong. I love him so much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyways, we talked about this hunk of paper. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with him reading all of this. I mean, it's not terribly personal, but still. This has a lot of stuff I could never tell anyone. But he asked if he could read it, so I'm going to think about it. Cus this is some personal stuff. So if you're reading this right now, you are a lucky fool.
I love you so much.
You have no idea.
YOU ARE READING
Evolution
Non-FictionThere are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have...
