Evolution

June 24 2015

I've been missing Andy so much lately. I hope he's been okay. I was okay, but now all of the people are leaving. After Lynn left, a lot of family had been around because Riley got baptized on Sunday. I was so proud of him. But having family around was distracting. In a way, it was a good thing. I was able to forget I was missing him and pause my worries about him for some of the day. But he's always on the back of my mind. I babysat, I read books, watched movies, and did genealogy on my grandma's computer. It was pretty cool, I found out I am the 14th great granddaughter of Charles I, so if he had not been usurped and beheaded I could have been European royalty. Despite now cool that is, I couldn't forget through all of the princess jokes. Even if I could have been a princess all along, I only want to be his princess. His babygirl. I want to be in his arms. I've been getting more and more sad lately. The dog he gave me that smells like him is finally losing its smell. Day after day I search for it but I always smell less and less of him in it. I always hugged him and smelled when I needed comfort. Or when I wanted him. Or even when I wanted to be comforted by him. But now it's fading. It's making me really sad. I miss him wrapping his arms around me, and I miss putting my head on his chest and hearing and feeling his heart beat. I really miss him, and I'm worried about him.
My mom wants to ship me out to Arizona. She already bought the ticket and everything. I'll be at my grandma's for the 4th of July. I don't know when I'll be able to see Andy. I miss him so much. I don't know when my mom will let me see him. I hope it will be soon.
When I dream about him, it makes me miss him more. And I am afraid he will turn into just a memory.
I don't want him to just be a memory.