Wow. I haven't written anything in a long while. A lot of stuff has gone on. A while ago- maybe last week?- I was able to tell Andy I love him. I mean, it was on the phone, but still. He heard my voice when I said it. It was cute, because he said it, and he wanted me to say it back, and I was struggling. XD it was cute, he was like, "Come On, it's easy! Just say I..."
Every time I'd try to say it, I'd inhale, then I'd exhale again because I would lose my courage. I eventually managed to whisper, "I love you Andy..."
He did this cute boyish giggle or laugh or whatever, and I asked him what was so funny. He said my shyness was "cute," and, "adorable." I asked him, "Is that a bad thing?" He said it wasn't.
I really love him. At least I think. If this isn't love, I don't know what is. He was right when he said it would hit me. It did a long time ago, but I was so busy denying it I didn't even know what it was. Every time I think about him, every time I think I love him more, my feelings just increase uncontrollably.
On Monday when we were dropping him off, I had said, "Can I give the person a hug?" I got out of the car and have him a hug, like normal, except during the hug Andy and I were talking. He was just kinda like, "I'm a person? I don't have a name?" I was talking against his neck, not meaning to press my lips on the skin on the crevice of his neck and shoulder. It really was an accident, I mean honestly, I hadn't even noticed I'd done it after it had happened. It just felt so natural with him.
He asked me later on snapchat if I'd kissed his neck, and I truthfully told him it was an accident. BECAUSE IT WAS. I also apologized. And out of all of the things he could've said, he told me to be careful. Because his neck is basically his spot.
He asked me if I'd noticed the goosebumps on his neck. I mean, I didn't even notice I was kissing his neck, how am I supposed to notice goosebumps? (I'm actually kinda bummed I didn't...)
Then yesterday when we hugged, he said, "See what I mean?" during the hug. I assumed he was talking about what I thought he was, so I said, "I'm trying not to." He just kind of chuckled.
The thing is, I know I should feel guilty. I should be sorry, I should not want to do that again, or on purpose. But I'm not.
YOU ARE READING
Evolution
Non-FictionThere are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have...
