Evolution

October 4 2014

Today Andy told me he loves me. I don't know why I'm writing this, because it's so easy to be read, but whatever. My heart won't quit. I asked him how he knows, and he said,
"You just know; trust me, you'll know."

At first he said it on snapchat, and I asked him if he was tired. He wasn't. But the times after snapchat, we were on the phone. And the thing is, he's really open now. He kept telling me he missed me... As a matter of fact, he said it first. (AS IN, BEFORE I DID.) He was also talking about how he wanted to cuddle. But anyways. When we were on the phone, he said it. The second time he said it on the phone was just, ugh. He said,
"Hey Ali... You wanna know something?"

And I was all like,
"Sure."

Then he whispered into the microphone,
"I love you."

Every time he said it, I couldn't say it back. I wanted to, I really did. But mom told me I'm too young to know what love is, and that I'm not in love. I think I don't want to say it back because I'm afraid my parents are right. But I won't deny I wanted to so badly.

I don't think it's hitting me that hard yet. I'm sure the next time I see him it will, or maybe in the morning. Or maybe in 5 minutes. I don't know. But I do know it's gonna hit me at some point. And hard. And that's what Andy said love is.

"You'll know," he said to me, "it'll hit you harder than you can handle."

Note to self:
Don't dream about lucid dreamers, because if you dream about them strong enough, they'll actually be there. Guess what kind of accident I've had... Every night... All he did was ask me if I'd dreamt about him recently, and of course, I had. Then he said he'd been there, and awake, in one of them. (Turns out it was actually more like 3+...) And it was one of those dreams... I asked him how bad it was. He said 4.5 out of 5...

So he kind of knows... Everything now... Pretty embarrassing. He told me not to be, but how can I not be? He basically saw me naked. And worst of all:
I liked it.
Crap.