Remi-niscent

Chapter 9:

Why?

Why would he do that?

Instead of going back to the where the others are to seek refuge among the safety in numbers like my first thought had been to do, my feet carry me around the far side of the hut and further on up the hill. Unwanted tears are burning in my eyes and I try in vain to stop them from turning into full on waterworks, not emotionally capable right now to be able to pull myself back together if I were to reach that state.

Having not taken any notice of my surroundings while running, being too caught up in the moment to think that rationally I hastily come to a stop, wiping my eyes roughly with the sleeve of my shirt and looking around to try gather my bearings. At a first glance I find that I'm somewhere in a densely forested area, up ahead I can see the moon reflecting faintly off something pale and large close by. Making my way over it leads me out onto a smooth rock surface the edge of it dropping off as a steep cliff.

Now that I've stopped the adrenaline starts to fade and I realise just how shaky my arms and legs are. I feel somewhat like play-doh that's been left lying out in the sun for too long, so sitting down I dangle my legs over the side of the cliff and admire the view. With it being a full moon or at least close to it, I can see into the distance for miles from up here and from what the moonlight allows me to see the forest seems to stretch on and on, never ending, dark, and mysterious. 

As much as I try to block them out, flashbacks of what had occurred just moments earlier repeat themselves in my mind as if stuck on an endless loop burning the memory into my brain.

A fresh set of tears well up in my eyes as I sit there not really comprehending what had happened, my brain and body just being too overtired and overwhelmed with everything else going on in my life at the moment to have the capacity to deal with it. A jumble of thoughts whirl around in my head each one bouncing around throwing up more questions than answers.

Ty was the sweet, sensitive type. Not one to go out of his way to hurt anyone. Wasn't he? Had I encouraged him in any way to lead him on? I thought he just saw me as a friend - one of the boys if you will and while I mean it's not like it was that bad or that I had hated it, but without thinking of the consequences he had taken something from me, that at that moment I hadn't wanted to give.

Trailing my fingers over my lips the ghost of an imprint on them still lingering I sigh, what kind of nineteen year old makes such a fuss over a kiss anyway?

Pathetic.

He must think I've gone absolutely bonkers. Oh wait never mind he already thinks that anyway. And it's not even like it was my first kiss, but as cliche as it sounds I don't want to be that girl, the one who make out with every guy she remotely finds attractive. And Ty? He just swooped right on in and stole one out from under me. I didn't even have a chance to react. The more my brain dissects each and every detail, the more frustrated I get. Sure I like the guy, but does that mean I wanna kiss him?

No.

I groan inwardly and chide myself - no room for self-denial here Remi. Okay, okay fine, so maybe just a little? Maybe I did want to, deep down somewhere in my subconscious. Would that really be so bad?

Shaking my head I snap out of it. Nope. Not a chance. Who just goes around kissing random girls anyway? We have officially known each other for a grand total of four days. Four days! That isn't long enough to warrant completely blindsiding a girl by kissing her!

"Oh Remi," I lecture myself sternly, "Why couldn't you just be like any other normal person?"

Then I realise that not only is it some time in the wee hours of the morning, but I'm in the process of calling myself crazy and talking to myself. Maybe I really do have some issues. That or I just really need some sleep. Deciding to go with the latter, I push myself away from the ledge and because there is no way I am going back down to that hut after that massive embarrassment, I lay down right where I am and fall into the first proper sleep I've had since this whole nightmare started. One last thought pushes it's way through niggling away at my thoughts until I acknowledge it. With how everything stands at the moment one thing I know for sure is that nothing can happen between the two of us.