Going Back

Fix It (Him)

She continued to sob. "I can't do this again. I can't. I can't. I won't."

Though I really had no idea what was going on, or why she was mad at me, I immediately had the overpowering urge to fix it. It didn't seem to be the time to reason with her but I couldn't stand to see her like this- now or ever.

"Stevie, what's wrong," I stepped closer to her.

She sat on couch, tears spilling down her cheeks, but she provided me no answer. After a few moments I took another approach, sitting beside her, brushing her hair out of her face so I could see her. She had such a desperate look in her eyes, she was clearly exhausted and overwhelmed. I couldn't handle it. I pulled her onto my lap, and I have to admit I was a little surprised she didn't fight me. I kissed the top of her head and whispered softly, "Angel, you have to talk to me, okay? Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm always here for you. Let me try to fix this, but you have to tell me what it is."

The words spilled out of me so naturally, and I'd be lying if I tried to say that I hadn't always felt that way. We'd been apart for quite some time but we always had this kind of undeniable connection.

Her breathing had slowed and I was relieved, still shocked and a little frightened by what had elicited a panic of that nature to begin with. "Linds," she lay her head on my chest. "What if she doesn't come back. I can't live with myself if she doesn't."

"Who?" Now I was confused. "Kate? Who is she?"

I could see her mind running full speed but she was silent. "Is this what you've been trying to talk to me about? Stephanie look at me," I tilted her chin up so I could see her eyes. "Are you okay? Are you sick? Why was that nurse here?"

She shook her head no.

"Is one of the boys sick, or Brian?" I was perplexed.

Again, she shook her head no.

"You've got to give me something here, Steph."

She finally spoke coherently. "Lindsey, I can't explain. Do you trust me?" She searched my face for answer.

"Of course," I answered. And I do.

"Then you just have to believe me that I have to make sure everything's okay. I think you should go." She stands and wipes the tears from her eyes. "Thank you for bringing my belongings by, but I clearly need to take care of a few things and the boys will be home for dinner any minute."

I did as she asked, checking a few more times to make sure she was going to be alright, giving her a kiss on the cheek and getting into my car, leaving a thousand times more confused than I was when I arrived.

I sat in my home studio for much of the rest of the night, replaying the events in my head, questioning where we went wrong all those years ago. She had it all now, but I couldn't shake the emptiness that radiated off of her when I left. That was so unlike her. That lead to concerns about our upcoming collaboration. I know myself well enough to be aware that

It was really none of my business, I supposed, but her happiness was always my concern. I glanced at the clock. 3:30am. She'd be up. I dialed her number and she answered quickly.

"Hey, it's me."

"Linds? It's the middle of the night."

I chuckled, thinking of all the times she'd called me years ago with no regard for the time. "It's never stopped you before."

She actually laughed. That was a good sign.

My voice softened. "I just wanted to check on you, are you doing okay? Did you hear from Kate?"

She sighed. "I didn't. I was hoping this was her, but I'm going to figure something out. I have to."

"Oh. Well get some sleep. It'll all be alright. Nobody would ever be able to say away from you."

"Thanks, Linds. See you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone, unsure of what I was about to do. I took a quick shower and threw on some clean clothing, downing 2 cups of coffee in the process. It was now after 4 in the morning. Kate's badge said she was a nurse at St. John's. She said she was on her way in when she left Stevie's at 6, probably to work a 12 hour shift... it was crazy but it was all I had, and I couldn't watch Stevie be this miserable indefinitely. I didn't know what was so great about this girl, but I was about to find out. I loaded into my car and drove to the hospital.

Approaching the guest relations desk, I suddenly realized how crazy this probably was. But it didn't matter. I'd do anything for that woman. This is nothing. I was pointed in the right direction by the attendant but I still had no idea how to explain my presence.

"Erm," I cleared me throat, trying to get the attention of the first employee I can across. "Excuse me, I'm looking for Kate Gray, is she here?"

"Yeah," the man looked me up and down. "I'll grab her."

I stood, pretending to be reading a plaque on the wall, when she approached.

"May I help you?"

I could tell that she was caught off guard when I turned around.

"Oh. What- what are you doing here?" She crossed her arms, lowering her voice? "Did she send you over here?"

"No!" I interjected, not wanting to make this worse. "No, I'm here on my own." I studied her features for the first time. Why was she so familiar to me? "Kate listen to me, I'm sorry I interrupted whatever you two had planned but you have to believe me, she didn't know I was coming by, I didn't mean anything-"

She signed a bit and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Lindsey, stop. I get it. But I can't do this now- I'm at work."

"Let me buy you breakfast after your shift." I blurted it out. "I just want to make sure everything's okay."

"I don't think so..." she trailed off, skeptical.

"I'm sorry, Kate, but do we know each other?" I stared at her a little closer.

"No," she retorted sharply. "We most certainly do not know each other."

"Oh, alright." I wasn't convinced. "But about breakfast- I'm not going to take no for an answer, and I'm sure you've worked up an appetite after your shift."

"Fine," she said dramatically, putting her hands in the air in defeat. "My shift is over anyway. Let me get my bag and make a quick phone call."

I knew that we'd met before, no matter what she said. She was so familiar to me but I couldn't quite place her. Whoever she is, she must be spending a lot of time around Stevie, I thought. Kate was almost a duplicate of her.