Going Back

How It Went (Her)

The boys and I flew to Chicago separately from the band, arriving at our hotel only a day prior to the show. The boys had their own suite which adjoined mine and were enjoying running around the city and being near all of the energy of the upcoming show. Mick had made a big deal of all of our families being in town and Brian had joined us for the opening night festivities. He was at our house in LA when the kids and I returned from Belize but nothing has really changed. He and I were at a standstill. I knew he'd met someone else long ago and I was sick of it. I'd instructed my attorneys to proceed with my divorce.

I hadn't mentioned it to Brian yet. I didn't want to ruin tonight's memory for the boys and I didn't want to make this any messier than it needed to be. Brian had told me in no uncertain terms before we left that he had several business deals riding on this publicity. And even though it disgusted me that he was using me to close a deal I just let it go. Maybe he'd agree to my terms, sign the paperwork and be done.

He stepped out of the shower and my mood immediately changed. I'm not sure when I started tensing up in his presence but I was becoming less like myself every minute I was with him.

"Who was on the phone?" He was very direct.

"Karen. Lindsey needs to talk to me before the show."

"What for?"

"I'm not quite sure but it must be important. He knows I need vocal rest right now."

Brian rewrapped the towel around his waist and reached into his luggage to pull out a bottle of aftershave, slapping it on his face. "I don't need my wife to be seen sneaking around with Buckingham. I'm sure he'll live without your input." He said it with such finality. When did he begin telling me what to do? I didn't take that well.

I stepped into the bathroom to take a quick shower myself before heading to the venue. I couldn't help but wonder what Lindsey wanted. Karen said he was all kinds of worked up and he'd been trying to get ahold of me. I hadn't heard a peep out of him prior to this, though, and he was notorious for flying off the handles before shows. He probably just wanted to make a minor change to the set. I chuckled a little, thinking of how neurotic he could be on days such as this. I'd find him at the venue, though, and see what he wanted. I understood him on both a personal level and an artistic level and I'd never let his requests go unheard.

I heard a knock at the door and Brian talking to someone before closing the door again.

I ended my shower and hopped out, peeking my head out the door. "Who was that?"

"Nobody," he didn't look up from his reading.

"Well it had to be someone," I continued with a smile.

He still didn't look up. "But it wasn't," he turned the page. I raised an eyebrow at him but I was in no mood for a fight at the moment.

I dressed and was joined by the boys, who all looked equally handsome and we headed to the venue.

Backstage was complete chaos. I found my way to my dressing room and got ready, knowing I'd need to find Lindsey as soon as possible. I found Karen and set out to locate him. She wasn't sure of the nature of his issue but he wasn't in his dressing room and when we ran into John he hadn't see him either. I suppose if it was urgent he'd come to me. And I'd see him before the show began. He'd be there to kiss my hand and reassure me when my nerves kicked in. I smiled a bit at our little ritual, certain that it would stand the test of time. Somehow Lindsey had always been my stability, and even know when my personal life was becoming stormy again I was turning to him to be my rock.

I returned to my dressing room where Brian was having a beer and the boys were talking amongst themselves. "What did I miss," I questioned.

"Nothing," Brian retorted, an edge to his voice.

"Lindsey stopped by," Dylan chimed in. "Didn't say what he wanted though. That dudes in a bad mood."

"How do you know who Lindsey is," Brian immediately questioned.

"Uhh, I'm not stupid. I know the names of the people in her band," Dylan snapped back. "Plus, I met him when he stopped by the house last month."

Brian shot me an unappreciative look but I didn't feel the need to defend myself. I sat down at my chair and applied my lipstick when Karen knocked again, ready to take me side stage.

The guys followed me, ready to sit and watch the show before joining me. I stepped forward, joining Mick and John. I looked around everywhere. "Where's Linds," I questioned.

"Entering from the other side," John nodded towards the opposite end of the stage that spanned the width of the arena.

"Wha-what?" But we always enter together. I didn't want to do this without him. He'd always been my source of calm.

"Brought somebody. We didn't have enough chairs over here." John shrugged nonchalantly.

My head was spinning. "Lindsey brought someone? Who?" I realized I wasn't allowed to be jealous, but it made no difference. I immediately was.

Mick became immediately animated, his eyes widening and his hands in the air. "Oh, we haven't seen her yet. You know Buckingham, Mr. Privacy," he laughed.

Lindsey was here with someone. As I heard our cue to enter the stage into the darkness I took a deep breath and stepped forward. This isn't how I wanted this to go.