Going Back

Dinner Plans (Him)

When Mick told me Stevie was going to be joining us for The Dance I can't say that I was surprised, but I was certainly relieved. She and I haven't exactly been on the best of terms lately. That's an understatement. We don't speak. I'm not quite sure when it all went to shit- we never had a blow out, per say, I think she just slowly fell out of love with me. I tried to fight for her in the beginning, but she needed her own space and when I let her have it, we deteriorated. It's safe to say my feelings for her have never changed.

I sat at the restaurant and checked my watch almost nervously. The other three band members were already here- grabbing a drink at the bar while we waited on Stevie's arrival. I took another drink of the double scotch I'd ordered to calm my nerves a bit and swirled the remaining liquid around in the bottom of the heavy glass. I looked up when I heard Mick's laugh bellowing through the room and I saw the additional members of my party approaching the table once more. Mick and John sat with their wives while Christine slid in next to me. It was good to see her again, she always had a way of keeping things light, which I certainly appreciated tonight. Only moments later we were joined by Stevie, who breezed in looking as beautiful as always. The men stood to greet her, and she embraced Mick and John lovingly with a hug before turning to me.

"Linds," she nodded acknowledgment of my presence with a smile before sliding in to her seat across from me. Is ridiculous to say but she smiled at me, and I had a little bit of hope that maybe things wouldn't go to hell in the next six months. It seemed genuine, and honestly this was the most contact that we'd had in a long time.

Dinner was proceeding pleasantly and everyone had a wonderful time catching up, breaking the proverbial ice a bit before we came together for meetings and rehearsals, which always brought differences of opinion in some form or another. Mick was telling an overly animated story in the way that only he can but I hadn't heard a word. I was enthralled with the woman sitting across from me. I was trying not to stare but I was unsuccessful. All these years later she still had such a way of drawing me in. I had so many things that I wanted to tell her- but I couldn't. What was I supposed to do? Blurt it out at a booth in a restaurant with 5 other people listening? Wouldn't exactly do much for the no conflict approach we were all trying to take to this project.

She must have sensed me watching her because she glanced over and caught my eye giving me another little smile. "I've missed you," she told me, extending her hand to cover mine on the table for only a fleeting moment, giving it a brief squeeze. I knew she meant it in the most casual sense of the words, but every emotion I'd ever felt towards her had never left me, and I couldn't deny what we'd always had. I merely nodded back at her. She withdrew her hand after only a second, taking another drink of her wine, but she'd gotten her message across. I knew the others were deep in conversation about jolly old England, and that this was my opportunity. I reached into my pocket to withdraw the bracelet that I'd had made for her in celebration of Emma's birthday tomorrow, and paused for just a moment, not knowing exactly what to say. It was a delicate, a fine band of gold with only the most simple stone hanging from it, a petite emerald, our daughter's birthstone.

"Ah, sorry I'm late honey." My thoughts were interrupted and my heart sank as we all turned to see Brian standing at the end of the table. He casually greeted everyone else, finally looking at me, though not saying anything, before sliding in the booth next to Stevie. "What have I missed," he asked, kissing her. Clearly Stevie was caught off guard, but she tried her best not to show it, though I could see it in her eyes.

"We're all just catching up," she offered timidly, I didn't know you'd be joining us.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" he gave her a fake smile, adding something else to the end of that statement that I couldn't make out before flagging down the waiter for a drink. The light from her eyes was gone again.

She gave me a half smile, almost as if to apologize. It was no secret that I didn't like Brian, but my disdain for him had grown tenfold over the years. My heart was broken when she met him, and it broke me when she married him, but to watch the way that he treated her, that was what really killed me. For the last twelve years I've seen her stifle her own creativity and become a shell of her own self around him. I knew she wanted a family, I knew that she wanted her happily ever after, but was this it for her? She didn't seem so happy to me.

Brian was overly attentive to her, an act that I knew he was putting on for my benefit. Stevie tried to catch my eye a couple times, but I let her know she'd done nothing wrong and retreated to my own thoughts, hardly speaking a word the rest of the evening. I waited for even a quick moment alone with her, but I wasn't afforded that luxury.

"We should probably get home, babe," he announced, with his arm around her. "I'm sure the boys will wonder where we are."

I could see her fight to roll her eyes, and I stifled a laugh, looking away as to not make this any worse for anyone. I hated the way that he talked to her, looked at her, controlled her and spoke for her. I hated everything about him. I hated that it wasn't me that was taking her home to a family.

She bid everyone goodnight, beginning to walk away. I knew it was my last shot. "Stevie," I called after her, taking large strides to catch up to her.

"Uh, I think you dropped this," I thought as quickly as I could, removing the bracelet from the box in my pocket and handing it to her.

She looked at me and bit her lip, knowing exactly what I was saying to her and trying to keep it together. "It was great to see you tonight," I offered, pulling her into what I wanted to look like a friendly hug. When she was close, I whispered so I knew that only the two of us could hear. "You're so strong, Stephanie. Call me if you need anything tomorrow or ever, ok? I love you," and I gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Brian," I acknowledged, nodding my head, before returning to the table and not caring to hear if he had anything to say to me in return.