Life With Him

Chapter 49

Amber's point of view.

I don't think I have ever seen Logan so happy to see someone before. I guess I didn't really think about how me not talking to Jack affected her. I mean she loves him  and I never realized how much she missed him.

She gives him the biggest hug that any four year old possibly could, and I can't help but smile. Although I still think Jack is an ass, I love seeing Logan this happy.

She practically begs him to play with her and, even though we both know we need to talk, he eventually gives in. I don't mind though, I still trust him around Logan, and it means we get to avoid the topic for a little while longer.

He plays with her for maybe like 45 minutes before we finally "start talking".

We sit down near each again.

"Why is this so fucking hard.." I mutter, "we don't even know how to talk to each other anymore."

"This used to come so naturally for us.." he says, so quiet I almost think I just imagined him speaking.

"I don't even know where to start," neither one of us is looking at the other, we're both kinda just staring off into space. We sit like this for maybe the next five minutes, in total silence.

"I know I've probably said it over a million times, but I really am sorry Amber." He eventually breaks the silence with.

"I know.. It's not even that big of a deal," i start, "I don't know why I can't seem to let it go."

"I don't blame you for being pissed." We are still looking everywhere except at each other.

"It's not even your fault anymore. I'm the little cunt that won't let go."

"Amber don't even say that. You have more than valid reasons to have gotten pissed at me.." he states.

"I am trying to forgive you. I want to, I just.. I don't know, I'm trying." A mess of words, probably incoherent to him, spill from my mouth.

"The things I said to you, Amber, you need to know that none of that is true, and I don't think any less of you than if you were actually my biological sister. No body else does either. I know that was probably the last thing you needed to hear at the time, with everything going on with Logan and cam being gone. I was just being an asshole and you really didn't deserve that, I'm not even going to try to justify it." He says.

"Thank you..." I mutter, "that really does mean a lot to me, probably more than it should. Because for some goddamn reason I care so fucking much about what you think of me. If it was anyone else who called me a slut, I wouldn't give a shit, but I care too much about how you see me. I think just the idea that you could have possibly thought so low of me.. I don't know, I couldn't handle it....

After my dad died, something inside of me just... broke... broke into fucking minuscule pieces... and I didn't know how to cope, I couldn't figure out a way to pull myself together. And you were just there. I took everything out on you. I made myself believe that i was upset because of what you said and, a little bit, I was, but that's not what made me pissed at you. I was angry at you for something that was completely out of anybody's control and had absolutely nothing to do with you, for something so out of your reach, in every way unrelated to what had actually happened between us. I'm sorry. As much as I tried to make myself believe that it was right, it wasn't and you didn't deserve my bitchyness."

We end up talking for a little while and get most of our shut fixed. It's not the same as before but I'll settle for now.

"Momma can I have some cookies?" Logan comes down the stairs asking.

"Um I don't think we have any, babygirl. Maybe if you're good we can make some later, after dinner." I suggest. Immediately her whole face lights up.

"Really?!"

"Why not." I smile.

"Is Jack gonna help?" She asks.

"I mean I guess that's up to him." I say, looking over at him.

"Sure. It's not like I have anything better to do." He answers.

Things are finally getting back to normal, at least a little bit.