Finding My Way Home

Chapter 8

Ethan

Jerry grabs my arm and forcibly drags me from Diane's room. It's best not to argue in front of her. "She doesn't know who I am, Jerry. What the hell happened?" Jerry is confused as I am.

"I don't know. It could be a side effect of the medication. Give her time to come out of it."

"How much time?"

"Ethan, you know as well as I do that post-operative confusion is normal after a traumatic injury."

"This is not confusion. My wife doesn't know me! You need to figure this the fuck out soon!"

"Ethan; calm down! If you go in there with this attitude, you will scare her. She is my patient. If you can't keep it together, stay out of her room. The last thing I want any of us to do is to scare her. It's obvious the injury has affected her memory. Keep your distance until I can assess the situation."

It takes every ounce of willpower I have to walk away from her. I give my brother the time he needs to complete his examination. I send a text to my father.

We have a problem.

My father immediately responds. What's happened?

Diane doesn't know who I am. We think she has amnesia.

It takes a few seconds for him to respond. How bad is it? You do know this could be related to the medication.

Yeah, I know, but I don't think that's the problem. Diane's eyes did not recognize me. I feel it, Dad. Something is terribly wrong.

Do you need me there with you son?

No, stay with the family. Don't say anything until we know the extent of Diane's memory loss.

Ok. Keep me informed.

*****

I have spent the past ten days waiting patiently, and I'm sick of it. I can't sit still. I need to do something, anything, to distract me. I only know of one place that can calm me. The hospital has a small chapel on the ground floor, and I need the solitude to calm my mind. The 'what if's' are eating away at me. What if my wife doesn't remember us? What if she never regains her memory? What if she doesn't love us? What if she wants to leave us?

The chapel is quiet, and I sit on the bench near the door and succumb to the tears. In my mind's eye, I see my life flash before me. The years of dating in college. The first time we made love. Our wedding day. The birth of our children. The many nights laying in the dark holding each other. The tender touches in the dark. The feeling of making love to my wife. Feeling her pulse around me, taking me to the one place I crave most, the one place that I only want to share with her. I don't know how long I've been sitting here when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's Jerry. He sits next to me, and by the look on his face, I already know something is terribly wrong with my wife.

"I knew I'd find you here. You always come here when you are troubled. Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? My entire world is crumbling around me, and you are asking me if I'm okay? I'm not, Jerry, and I have never been this afraid in my entire life. Have you finished your examination? What's the prognosis?"

"Diane is awake, but there is a problem. I asked her the fundamental questions. What year is it? Who is the current president? What is your husband's name? How many children do you have? What are your parent's names? She could not answer any of these questions. Ethan, she is terrified to the point of hysteria. You need to speak to her."

"What do you expect me to say to her? 'Hi, I'm the husband you don't remember?' God, this is a nightmare. How do I tell my children their mother doesn't remember them? I need to know if this is temporary."