Finding My Way Home

Chapter 27

Ethan

The following night, and every night for the next three weeks, I carry Diane into the living room after the family ate dinner. It's not easy with all the machines, but I manage with my parent's help. Mom and Dad have been so supportive these past few months. My mother has grown closer to Diane if that's even possible. I watch my mom as she interacts with my wife. My mom is a very touchy-feely person, and it brings me to tears watching her gently touch Diane's face, and hold her hand. All of us sit near her bed and tell stories to her. We talk about the fun we had as a family. I read a few pages from the book she was reading before the accident, and Kellie goes on and on about what happened in her life that day. My dad picks the movie, and we all enjoy a movie night. I sit close to Diane's bed and tell her about the film we are watching.

I look at her intently as I speak to her, and I see signs of REM, which is something that I have not seen in the months since she came home to us. Something is happening, and while I try to be patient, the stress is getting to me. I miss my wife, miss my son, and miss working at the hospital, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I am so tired of being tired. We are now at the end of week three of our nightly ritual. My father picks a ridiculous movie to watch tonight. I have no desire to look at it, and I rest my head on the mattress. I could use a power nap. I must have fallen asleep because I am dreaming that Diane is running her fingers through my hair.

Diane

My memory returns to me like a flash of light.

The operation, our day at the beach, the birthday party, and.... what happened in the park?

I am happy, and then I realize I still do not have my memories before the accident.

The pain in my head is intense, and then I see nothing but another flash of light.

And then I feel it. I feel the darkness leave me. It is a wonderful feeling.

I see Ethan standing before me, and he looks so handsome. I want to touch him.

I want to run my fingers through Ethan's hair.

My hand is in Ethan's hair. I can feel his hair!

Is this a dream? Where am I?

Where is he? Where is Ethan?

Where are the children?

Ethan

I don't want to wake up from this beautiful dream. I miss Diane touching me. Something wakes me from my sleep, and when I open my eyes, Diane is running her fingers through my hair. I'm afraid to move. I am so wound up right now because I know I'm awake. Diane is touching me. I reach up to touch her hand, and she doesn't pull away from me. She keeps running her fingers through my hair. When I raise my head to look at her, Diane's eyes are closed, but her face looks different. I can't pinpoint what the difference is; I only know I see a change in her.

I am trying to get my father's attention, but the stupid fucking movie is so goddamn loud, a bomb could drop, and no one would hear it. I pick up the book that I was reading and throw it across the room. It hits my mother's leg, and when she looks over at me with a questioning expression on her face, I signal for her to come over to the bed. When she does, the look on her face is priceless. Diane's hand hasn't stopped touching me for the last five minutes. Then it happens; Diane opens her eyes. When she sees me, a single tear runs down the side of her face. I whisper to my mother, "Get Kellie out of the room. I don't want her to see this in the event we have a problem. Tell Dad to call for an ambulance. I need to get Diane to the hospital as soon as possible."

My mother walks over to my father and whispers in his ear. He looks over at me with a stunned expression on his face, nods, and leaves the room.

My mother then walks over to Kellie. "Ok, young lady, it's time to go to bed. You are up way past your bedtime."

"Do I have to Granny?"

"Yes, you do, sweetheart. Granny and Gramps are a little tired, and we want to go to bed. You can finish watching the movie tomorrow. Go on now, run upstairs, brush your teeth, and put on your pajamas. I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in."

"Ok, Granny, but I protest. It's summertime. I should be allowed to stay up as late as I want."

"Well, listen to you! Don't make me tell you again."

"Ok...ok...I'm going."

*****

Once Kellie is out of the room, I stand and sit next to Diane. Her eyes are wide and focused on my face. I lean in and whisper to her, "Welcome back sweetheart. I've missed you."

Diane tries to speak, but the nasogastric tube is irritating her throat. I try to soothe her. "It's ok sweetheart. I'll remove the tube now. Close your eyes honey." I don't want her watching me remove the tube. My mother stands next to the bed and holds her hand. Diane gags a few times as I remove the tube.

"Does that feel better honey?"

Diane nods her head yes.

"Do you know who I am, Diane?"

Another nod yes, this is good.

"Do you know where you are?"

I raise the bed, which makes it easier for Diane to see the room. Her eyes focus on the pictures of our children. She raises her hand and points to them. I walk over to the wall and remove the picture of them taken last Christmas. When I give it to Diane, she clutches the picture to her heart. Oh, God, does she remember us? I'm so afraid to ask her, and it takes all my strength to keep my mouth shut. Off in the distance, I hear the sirens. While I wait, I call Craig. He answers on the second ring.

"Is everything ok, Ethan?"

"Diane is awake. I've called for an ambulance, and we should be at the hospital in less than 30 minutes. Can you meet us in the emergency room?"

"I'm still at the hospital, and I'll meet you at the emergency entrance."

*****

Thirty minutes later, Diane is in an exam room. She hasn't let go of my hand the entire time we were in the ambulance. Diane is frightened; I can see it in her eyes. She is still holding the picture of our children. Her mouth is moving. She's trying to say something, but her throat is raw from the nasogastric tube. Sensing her fear, I climb onto the bed, and hold her in my arms. When Diane curls her body against mine, I feel like I've awakened from a nightmare. Whatever happens in the future, my wife feels safe with me. That's all I've ever wanted since this nightmare began. I no longer care if she regains her memory. I just want to hold my wife in my arms and feel her respond to me.

Craig is surprised to see us in bed together. He smiles and asks me to leave the room. This time, I'm not in a state of panic as I wait for him to complete his examination. My father and brother are in the waiting room with me.

"Is Mom with Kellie?"

"Yes," my father said. "Kellie is sound asleep, and we thought it would be best to let her sleep. How is Diane?"

"She is awake, and Craig is with her now. She let me hold her, Dad." Just saying the words breaks me. I sink into the chair and cry like a goddamn baby. I don't care who sees me crying. The relief that I feel is immense. I know I can handle anything as long as Diane is conscious. My brother sits next to me and drapes his arm around my shoulder. The three of us sit in silence and wait. All I seem to do lately is wait. Wait for a response. Wait for movement. Wait for my son to come home. Wait...Wait...Wait. I am not known for having patience, but the past six months have tested me to the point of madness. I have never felt as emotionally and physically drained as I am now.

Months of sleepless nights combined with constant worry have changed me. I now see age lines around my eyes, and gray around the temples. I've gained a few pounds because I am unable to jog or go to the gym. My constant fear of leaving Diane alone has caught up to me. Her health and wellbeing are foremost in my mind. As I wait for Craig to finish his examination, I pray to a higher power to help my wife. The thought of her having a permanent disability is incomprehensible. My mind refuses to go there.