Finding My Way Home

Chapter 18

Diane

One Month later

So much has happened to me the past few weeks. I would be lying if I said therapy was fun. It wasn't, and my leg still aches, but I can finally walk with a cane. My arm is still a little stiff, but with continued in-house therapy, I will recover fully. My memories, however, have not come back to me. I have been seeing the psychologist three times a week, and he is helping me to cope with all of this. Ethan has been reserved and distant to me since I told him I was not coming home. He's polite, but he is not talking to me. I don't know what to do. Steve and Catherine visit me often, and I feel comfortable with them. My room is ready and waiting for me.

Tomorrow I am leaving this place with a file full of recommendations and therapy that I must do at home. It feels strange saying the word home when I feel so alone in this world. I don't have a home, not one that I can remember. Steve gave me a cell phone yesterday and showed me how to use it. It's the little things you take for granted until you can no longer do them, and something as simple as using a cell phone is a big production. As I lay here in the darkness of my room, my cell rings. I reach for it, and I am surprised to see that Ethan is calling me.

"Hello, Ethan. How are you?"

"I was calling to ask you the same thing. I know you are being discharged tomorrow, and I wanted to talk to you."

"What is it that you want to say to me? You haven't been very friendly the past month. I thought you no longer cared what happened to me."

Ethan sighs into the phone. "I care Diane. You have no idea how much I care. I am protecting my heart because my worse fear is that you will leave me. Once you are discharged from the hospital, your life will change, and I am afraid that we will lose each other."

"I have spent a lot of time with your parents lately, and they have shared some of their memories with me. Ethan, I don't want to live my life alone. It terrifies me, and if I am honest with myself, I am having reservations about living with your parents. I also think that once I can take care of myself, I will feel more optimistic about the future."

"Does that future include Kellie, Joey, and me?"

"I hope it does, Ethan. I just need a little time."

"Can I visit you? Maybe we can go out to dinner, and see a movie."

"I would like that Ethan. I think if we can build a new connection, life would be easier for everyone. How are Kellie and Joey?"

"Well, Kellie is still mad at you. She is only eight and doesn't understand. I have tried many times to help her, but she doesn't want to hear it. In her mind, Mommy doesn't love her. Joey still has trouble sleeping at night, and I am worried about him. I don't want him to fail and not graduate."

"I feel so guilty Ethan. They are the casualties in all of this, and I don't know how I can help them."

"I think if you let them visit often, they will feel more at ease with the way you are now."

"How am I now? How have I changed since the accident?" Ethan doesn't answer me for several tense seconds. I am afraid to hear what he has to say to me.

"I have avoided talking about our intimate relationship because I felt it was unfair to you. However, I think you need to hear what I have to say. I am still in the hospital. I'll be in your room in ten minutes. I need to say these things to you in person."

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you."

Ethan

My heart is pounding as I run to her room. Am I doing this now? How will she accept what I must say to her? Diane needs to know how much I love her. Now is the time to tell her. Diane is sitting in the chair by the window, and she looks so much better. She finally has a little hair on her head, and her skin is no longer a sickly pale color.