Finding My Way Home

Chapter 21

Ethan

Isn't this just fucking great? I bring Diane here to have a pleasant day, and what do I do? Well, I am tired of hiding my feelings, and it is time to face the past. I can't look at her now. My nerves are raw. Talking about our summers at the shore hit a nerve with me. I need a few minutes to calm the fuck down. When I raise my head, Diane is standing in front of me. She reaches out and runs her fingers through my hair. Memories of her doing this while we made love attack me. I can't bare her touch, but I am too weak to move.

"Ethan?"

When I look up at her, I see something different in her eyes. What is it? Sadness? Pity? I don't need anyone's fucking pity! I hear her voice again. "Ethan, take a walk with me."

I am too emotionally tired to say no. I take Diane's hand in mine, and we walk along the water. Neither one of us knows what to say, so I break the silence. "I'm sorry Diane. I'm acting like a fucking idiot."

"No, you're not. You are expressing your feelings to me. There is nothing wrong with telling me what's in your heart. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry I upset you."

"It's not you Diane; it's me. I can't handle this any longer. I need something from you."

"What do you need, Ethan?"

"I need your friendship, Diane. I need companionship, someone that I can talk to when I can't sleep. I need date nights and walks in the park. I want us to spend time together as a couple."

Diane stops walking and points to a pair of benches under a pergola on the boardwalk. "It's getting hot. Can we get out of the sun? I need to talk to you about something my therapist recommended a few days ago."

Once seated, Diane turns to me with apprehension in her eyes. "Dr. Griffith wants to try regression therapy. He feels I may remember something, and I'm not sure what I should do. Have you ever heard of this type of treatment?"

"I am not a psychologist, but I have read your case file. The correct terminology for your type of amnesia is traumatic amnesia. It can lead to anything from a brief loss of consciousness to coma. Traumatic amnesia is often transient; the duration of the amnesia is related to the degree of injury and may give an indication of the prognosis for recovery of other functions."

"I have noticed that once you started the occupational therapy, you were able to recover your reading and writing very quickly. Mom told me that you pick up things quickly. It also explains why your speech improved so quickly. The brain synapsis remembers how to do these things, but your long-term memory is impaired by the injury."

"With traumatic amnesia, it could take weeks, months, maybe even years to regain long-term cognition. I think it is a good idea to try this type of therapy. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by cooperating. Do you want me there with you?"

"Yes, please. It will make me feel so much more relaxed if you are with me. I'm scared this won't work. What if it doesn't work?"

"Then we will find something that does work. Let's take one more walk, and then we'll go home for part two of your birthday celebration."

"I think that's an excellent idea."

As we are driving home, Diane asks me about the fucker who hit her.

"Did the police ever find who hit my car?"

"Yes, the police arrested him at the scene of the crash. He was drunk. He told the officer that he works odd hours, and after work, he went for a few beers with his friends. Apparently, he had been drinking for a few hours. He fell asleep at the wheel, and hit your car."