Finding My Way Home

Chapter 19

Diane

My room is full of doctors and nurses, all wishing me well as I pack my few belongings and sign the discharge papers. Ethan is watching me with a smile on his face. I smile back at him and rub the rings on my finger. They are a constant reminder of the life I once had. Stephen and Catherine have assured me that I will be comfortable at their house, and I believe them. Without their help, without Ethan's consistent patience, I would be lost, literally lost and afraid.

I must continue my sessions with Dr. Griffith twice weekly, as well as physical therapy on my still aching leg and arm. There is so much that I must do to survive, and while I am scared, I am also excited, because I see this as a test of my determination. I am surprised when I see Kellie and Joey enter my room, and I have to fight the urge to shy away from them. Last night as I was looking through the photo albums, I notice the resemblance I share with them, especially Joey. I smile at them, and I see them relax. This is good. I don't want them to feel nervous when they see me.

"Hi, I am happy to see both of you."

Kellie walks over to me and hands me a gift bag. "I thought you might like to take George home with you. He's been my special stuffed animal for a long time, and I thought he could keep you company, so you won't feel alone."

George is a well-worn teddy bear. I am so touched by Kellie's kindness that my eyes fill with tears. Kellie takes a few steps closer to me and everything in me wants to hold this beautiful child. I follow my instincts and open my arms to her. She looks at Ethan, and he nods his approval. It hurts knowing that she is afraid of me. The minute I feel her in my arms, something happens to me that I cannot explain. It feels like I am in a time warp. This feels so familiar to me. I take a few seconds to enjoy the feeling. Could this be a distant memory?

"Thank you so much, Kellie, for this thoughtful gift. I will make sure George stays with me in my room, and every time I look at him, I will think of you."

"Do you really like him?"

"Yes, I do. I won't feel so lonely with George to keep me company."

"I can come to visit you. I can help you learn the alphabet, and to write your letters and numbers. I am good at writing my letters."

"I would love it if you would help me, Kellie. I have so much to learn. Can you visit me tomorrow?"

"Really? I can visit you tomorrow?"

I nod my head yes, and the smile on her beautiful face touches me deeply. For the first time in many weeks, I feel optimistic about the future. Can this sweet child be the balm that soothes me?

It's Joey's turn to give me something. "I have a few of my eight grade textbooks on math and English. I would be more than happy to tutor you."

I clutch the books to my heart and let the tears flow. I am overwhelmed and so very grateful. It's obvious to me that I was a good mother. "Oh, Joey. Thank you for this gift, and your offer to tutor me. I very humbly accept your offer. Just know that I am a clean slate. I don't know how receptive I will be, but I promise to be a good student."

"If it wouldn't upset you, I'd like to say something that all of us want you to know."

I nod my head yes. I want to hear what he has to say. I look at Ethan, and he gives me a hesitant look. I don't think this was planned.

"I'd just like to say that all of us understand the struggles that you are facing. As far as I am concerned, I'll visit you every day and bring Kellie with me. We miss you, but we also know that this is what you need to do, and we support your decision. I wasn't happy with this when Dad first told us, but I've had a lot of time to stew in my anger. I am not proud of my behavior, and I'm sorry if it upset you in any way. I want to be your friend, and I promise I won't make you feel uncomfortable or put pressure on you to remember. I only want to spend time with you, if you would let me."