Finding My Way Home

Chapter 34

Diane

I haven't been able to sleep all night, and I feel terrible that I've kept Ethan awake also. I'm nervous about my appointment with the psychologist in the morning. I know it's time to face what happened to me, but talking with a stranger unsettles me. Ethan has been so patient with me since I came home, and I know we've spoken about this, but now that I have to face it, I'm scared. I don't know how talking about what happened in the park will affect me emotionally.

"If you bounce around darling, you will toss me out of bed. Do you want a cup of tea?"

"That sounds good. I've given up on sleeping tonight."

"Are you hungry? Do you want a little snack?"

"That sounds good. Just bring up a couple of cookies."

It's time to face reality, and while I've had the past several weeks to recover physically, my emotional health is fragile. I try to keep a smile on my face, but the memories of that awful night haunt me. Ethan and I decided that we would not talk about it until we meet with the therapist. I do not want that ugliness in our home. I do not want my children to see me upset. Joey starts the new semester in a few days, and Kellie is bouncing around the house with a smile on her face and an adorable dog that follows her everywhere. I want my children to be happy.

Ethan returns to our bedroom with a tray loaded with food. "I said a couple of cookies, not the entire refrigerator!" I can't help but laugh at the expression on his face.

"What? It's not that much food. I just have a few cookies, cheese and crackers, some pound cake, and tea. We can't watch television in bed without eating something. It's tradition honey."

"What the hell, pass the food and turn on the lights. I need to see what I'm eating."

"What are we watching?" Ethan asks as he places the tray on the bed.

I pass the remote to him. "I have no idea. Find something good for me to watch while I make a pig of myself."

Ethan scrolls through the channels until he comes to a comedy channel, and we watch something called Blue Collar Comedy. The two of us laugh so much, and several minutes later, there is a knock on the bedroom door. It's Joey.

"What the heck is going on in there? I can hear you laughing in my room, and guess what? I see Kellie coming out of her room."

Ethan yells out to them. "Come in and join the party."

Something shifted inside of me as I sit in bed with Joey on my left, and Kellie on my right. They picked at the food on the tray, and together we watch television until they fall asleep. Surprisingly, Ethan and I managed to catch a few hours' sleep.

The next time I open my eyes, Ethan and I are alone in the bed, our bodies wrapped around each other with the sun peeking through the curtains. Whatever happens today, I know in my heart that I have my family to catch me if I fall.

Ethan

The drive to the hospital is a quiet one. Diane has been picking at an invisible piece of lint on her coat for the past ten minutes. Every time I look over at her, she is wringing her hands together so hard, her knuckles are white. I already know today will be a shitty day. We made the decision not to talk about what happened in the park because Diane had so much on her plate. I did not feel the added stress of discussing it would be good for her. When I park the car, I reach over to hold her hand.

"Are you nervous honey?"

"Yeah, I'm a little jumpy. No, that's a lie. I'm terrified of talking about it."