Finding My Way Home

Chapter 39

Diane

I love waking up to the scent of sea air, and a cool ocean breeze blowing through the window. I have been awake for a few hours because I am so excited about today. Last night I had so many images of our life together that I felt like I was watching a slide show of my life. Image after image appeared in my mind. It's only a matter of time before it all comes back to me. I've spent the last hour writing in my journal, and tonight I will show it to Ethan. I don't want to cry today, but I know it will eventually happen. I look at the clock, and it's eight in the morning. Ethan slept in the other room with Joey, and Kellie slept with me last night. She's still sleeping, which is odd for her. I guess all of the activity last night was a little too much for her.

"Kellie honey, it's time to get up. We have to get ready for the wedding."

"Do I have to get up? I'm still tired."

I pinch her tummy, and she giggles at me. "Don't you want to see your princess dress?"

Her eyes open and ten seconds later, she is out of the bed.

"Where is it? Can I see it now?"

"Yes honey, you can see it now, but please do not scream. Granny and Gramps are probably still sleeping."

"Ok, I'll be quiet. Where is my dress?"

I walk over to the closet, unzip the garment bag, and take out the dress. Kellie's eyes go wide with surprise. She walks over to me and touches the dress. "It is so beautiful, and it's pink. I love pink. Thank you, Mommy, for the beautiful dress."

"You're welcome, honey. I'm so glad you will be my flower girl."

"Me too, I've been practicing how to throw the petals. Granny helped me with the rose petals last night. They are so beautiful."

"So are you, munchkin, so are you."

*****

It's two in the afternoon, and it's time to get dressed. Kellie is already in her dress, and surprisingly, she sits patiently waiting for me to put on my dress. I think she's afraid something will happen to it if she gets off the bed.

My hair is still short, so I don't have to do much with it, and Mom helps me with my makeup. After I put on my gown, I stare at myself in the mirror, and I finally see me, not a shell of my former self. I see...me. I reach out my hand for Kellie, and together we walk out of the house and towards the beach. I can see the tent in the distance, and I feel my heart flutter. Dad meets us at the edge of the boardwalk and opens his arms to me. I walk into his embrace, and we stand like this for a few seconds.

"You look beautiful sweetheart. I am so happy for you and Ethan. He loves you so much."

"I love him too Dad, so very much."

My father-in-law extends his arm to me, and we walk down the ramp to the beach. Catherine lined the ramp with beautiful pink and white impatiens flowers in white clay pots. As we approach the pergola, I see Ethan and my son looking at me. Ethan is so handsome in his tuxedo. In my minds-eye, I see a much younger Ethan waiting for me at the altar. I see bridesmaids, flowers, and a priest. I see people in pews, and white silk bows lining the isle. I see our first wedding. Flashes of images bombard my mind. As I get closer to him, intense pain erupts behind my eyes and I stumble as I walk. A scream escapes my lips and then the world goes black once again.

In the darkness, I see my life flash before me. All of it comes crashing into my mind, and it feels like I see my life in reverse. I remember the day of the accident. I remember making love to my husband. I remember the day before the crash when we had dinner at the diner. I see the car hit me, and I remember thinking about my babies. I remember...everything.