Separated: 5SOS BSM

58. He Stops You From Commiting Suicide - Calum

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This chapter was requested by @kenzid01

Do not read it if you aren't comfortable with mentions of suicide or bullying.
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Double update in honor of crossing the 2k vote line!!!

Calum:
Your life was falling apart. Ever since you had moved to be with your family you felt like you didn't quite fit. Mali was so much older she wasn't around much, your parents had their own things to attend to, and Calum was always on tour. That meant you were alone. Alone in the house, alone at the school you didn't have any friends at, and alone when you caught yourself anywhere in between. You lived a thoroughly singular existence.

Being alone caused a whole new set of issues. You were an outcast and that made you easy prey. Bullies, mostly older boys, would absolutely torment you because you didn't matter, or at least that's what they said. You had no friends, you didn't even have a crowd of people to mingle with. You weren't a nerd, or an artist, or a vegan, you were a loner.

So no one stopped them. It was like you were invisible when they would slam your locker shut on your fingers. Not a single look of sympathy was garnered when they ripped your backpack off you and nearly dislocated your shoulder. Not an ounce of sympathy was shared during as they knocked all of your stuff out of your arms. Nobody cared because you didn't matter.

Your parents would occasionally ask why your arms were bruised, or why you were limping a little. You wouldn't say 'because they kept on spiking volleyballs at my face in gym class' or 'I was tripped a few times today', because that was problematic, and you weren't worth enough to worry them. They were happy before you, so they should be just as happy whether you were there or not. Or at least that's what you told yourself.

In reality you were tired. Tired of being alone, tired of nobody caring enough to ask why. You were ready to be done. Done with life and all it's problems. The only thing that made you hesitate was Calum.

When you Skyped him he was always genuinely happy to see you. He would ask about your day, and even if you didn't tell him the truth, he would listen carefully to every word that came out of your mouth. You knew that your miserable existence made him happy. You knew that he would be sad if you left, and that made you hesitate, because you didn't want to disappoint the only person who really cared.

So you went to school, you came home, you ate, and you kept on breathing.

But things kept on getting worse. The blind eye that your classmates had been giving your bullies turned to cheering. They would all gang up on you in gym and hurl dodge balls until your teacher told them to cut it out, they would laugh and smile when someone 'accidentally' spilled their lunch all over you. They didn't not care anymore. No, now they liked torturing you, they liked seeing you in physical and emotional pain.

It was harder and harder to lie to Calum. You didn't know how much longer you could tell him that you had friends, that you adjusted well, that you enjoyed your classes. He could tell, and you knew that he was wising up to all your lies. He wasn't buying them anymore and he was worried about you. In some ways that felt nice, having someone personally invested in your wellbeing, but in other ways it was awful, because you knew that you were about to let him down in the worst way possible.

You couldn't take it anymore. You weren't going to go to school and face them again. You weren't going to lie to the only person who truly loved you, you weren't going to put yourself through the pain of living.

Your mother had a full bottle of sleeping pills, and your father had a lot of hard alcohol. You figured that mixing enough of the two toxic substances would be enough to help you go quickly and rather painlessly. You were ready to leave, and you knew that it was time.