Separated: 5SOS BSM

58. He Stops You From Commiting Suicide - Michael

Part 4/4 for this request

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Requested by @kenzid01

If you do not like mentions of suicide please do not read this part.
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The next chapter topic, for those who are interested, will be 'Your Parents Pass Away And He Gets Custody'

Michael:  
The color blue. You used to think that blue got a bad rep. After all, people would it use to describe negative emotions. You looked at blue and saw the sky, the endless beauty of the sea, pretty eyes. Blue was pretty, blue was nice, you liked blue, it wasn't what other people thought.

Then things changed.

Your friend, who you considered to be a brother, had committed suicide a few days ago. You were crushed. After you moved away to be with your family, namely Michael, the two of you talked all of the time. One night however, you had to cancel a 'skype date' because you were drowning in finals homework. He said he didn't mind and that he would call you the next day instead. The next day when you saw his number on your phone screen you didn't think anything of it. That isn until it was his Mom's voice on the other end. It was her that had called you, crying so hard you could barely make out what she was saying.

You were confused at first, until she calmed down enough to tell you what had happened. She told you that he had gone to a party the night before, and drove home drunk. He was going way too fast around a curve and lost control. She didn't go into detail, she couldn't, so you both just cried on the phone. You were both in shock and grieving his loss.

In that moment everything changed. You grieved the loss of someone so close. You felt like it was your fault that he had died, if you had called him he wouldn't have gone to the party. Now you had to live in a world with one less person you loved in it.

It'd been almost four months since that call, and exactly four months from when your best friend died. The world was so much different without him in it. You couldn't cope with the guilt and just kept on getting worse. At the beginning you had been having trouble falling asleep, now it doesn't feel like you sleep at all. You don't think that you've eaten a proper meal since he'd passed, and you couldn't cheer yourself up.

And you definitely tried to. You would try and watch your favorite movies, or attempt to listen to your favorite albums. But you couldn't. You couldn't sit through them and they couldn't cheer you up. You were still blue.

Now you it felt like you truly knew what blue means. The endlessness of the sea was suffocatingly large, and the sky was weighing down on every breath you took. You didn't have the will or energy to do anything about it. You would lay in bed and stare at the ceiling all night only to struggle to get up in the morning. You didn't have much interest in eating, but under Michael's concerned watch you would choke down a few bites. You didn't know why he was always so worried about something as useless as yourself, but it only added to your guilt.

It was a difficult way to live, if you could consider it living. It was really just surviving. Barely surviving at that. You were wasting away and people were beginning to notice.

"Y/N, you ate three bites from your slice of pizza?" Michael frowned.

"I'm not hungry," you sighed, pushing the plate away from you. You weren't much interested in eating.

"Dinner isn't three bites of pizza Y/N," he scolded you, pushing the plate back in front of you.

"I don't feel well," you explained, pushing the plate away again. That couldn't be more true.