Separated: 5SOS BSM

72. You Have Cancer - Calum

Part 1/4

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Requested by:
@kuramaslover123

*TW*
• Cancer
• Giving up on life
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Alrighty guys, we're in for a whirlwind few days here because the specific request was that you basically go from wanting to die to getting better with the boys help. So happy endings all around, I can't pull a John Green 😂

(or can I? *wiggles eyebrows*)

Calum:  
White building, white halls, white rooms, white paper gowns. The blinding sterilized environment of the hospital seemed like your new world, and your little white room was your home.

Life in the pediatric cancer ward was rarely one of joy, and usually one of loss. The ward constantly saw new children coming in, and the older ones leaving, but it was just as likely for someone to leave in a box than it was any other way. Your old roommate and best friend, Frankie, had only died a week or so ago, so you hadn't yet gotten a new roommate. The only thing worse than dying was dying alone, and that's what you were doing now that you lived alone. You knew subconsciously that the grief caused by death of one of the only people who truly understood you was partially the reason as to why you were feeling so hopeless. But you also knew that life felt less like you were living it, and a whole lot more like you were barely surviving.

The dirty word that people didn't like to utter around you was, "leukemia." No, they said that you were a, "fighter," that you were, "tough," and, "brave."

Really all you felt was tired. You were tired of being poked and prodded, radiated until your hair fell out, and tired of your miserable existence.

You hadn't told anyone of your inner hopelessness because then you'd be sent to the psyche ward, or more accurately, the psyche ward would be sent to you. You didn't want a therapist, you wanted to see Frankie again, wherever she was.

You knew that ultimately, living or dying from your disease was your choice, once you give up on yourself is when things all go downhill. If you can go against your natural need to survive, and truly want to die, it'll happen. Cancer always picks off the weakest first, whether physically or mentally. It was such a vicious cycle because it's the cancer treatments make you physically weakened and the mental wear and tear that goes along with dying that makes you weak. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You had been sticking around because the moral boost from your family and friends had kept you going. But Frankie had been your best, and only, friend for so long because you never left your little white room. The two of you would sit and just talk. She had lung cancer and you had leukemia, both being sick meant that you could look past the others deteriorated state, see who the other was. Frankie was a hopeless romantic who loved Liam Hemsworth and wanted to be an oncologist when she grew up. You really thought that she of all people would make it. She had a fiery spirit and she never let go of her will to live, she wanted it so bad. You could see it in her eyes even when she couldn't breathe on her own, she was determined to beat it. But she didn't.

You remembered when her battle came to an end.

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You watched as your best friend wheezed on the other side of the room. It wouldn't be long now.

A group of people stood around her, holding her hand as she gasped and wheezed. Her doctor, Dr. Grimm, was hovering around in the background. You watched as her mother smoothed back her daughters hair, for possibly the last time, as she smiled down at her baby.