Forever and Always - Scomiche One-Shots

I'll Be Home For Christmas

He thought he would get use to this after a while but the terror he felt everyday never went away. In all actuality, it got worse as the days went by. He always woke petrified to check his phone and dreaded going to sleep at night in case he missed something. His worry consumed his every waking thought and even followed into his unconscious. The nightmares were the worst. He would wake drenched in sweat, eyes puffy and raw from sobbing. It would never be easy to see the love of your life with a river of blood pouring relentlessly from his body.

In those moments he ached to roll over and have Scott hold him to reassure his frantic heart that everything was okay. But he couldn't. He couldn't have the one person in the world he wanted in that moment because he was also the one person who was causing all of this anxiety.

He knew when he married 2nd Lieutenant Scott Hoying that it wouldn't be a field of daisies but this was what he signed up for. He couldn't celebrate every holiday and birthday with his husband or go on spontaneous adventures with him or kiss him or touch him or just see him whenever he wanted. He couldn't even call him just to hear his voice. Communication between them was sparse and even in those rare, fleeting moments when his laptop would ring with an incoming Skype call, he couldn't truly enjoy it. He never knew when Scott would have to go and when they would next get the chance to do it again. Everything was uncertain and that's what scared him most. He was petrified of the unknown.

This wasn't Scott's first tour over seas, not with being in the military for little over 4 years, but Mitch knew the more times he left, the higher the chances of him not coming back were. He knew he couldn't think like that, it was destructive, but when your husband is literally putting his life on the line for months on end, it's hard not to think what if. When Scott was promoted to Captain, it only increased his stress and anxiety tenfold. He was responsible for all 78 men in his company and Mitch knew without a doubt that Scott would put their safety above his no matter the circumstance. Even if it wasn't his job, he knew Scott would do whatever it took to keep everyone safe and alive but he wished Scott would be selfish, at least for his sake.

He had had one of those nights again last night where he just completely shut down. He would sit, in the dark, for hours on end, overthinking and re-evaluating every decision he had ever made, and that included Scott. He loved Scott with his entire heart but there was a tiny, selfish part of him, locked deep inside, that made him think maybe life would be better if he had never met Scott. He wouldn't have to spend his days alone and scared anymore, he could actually spend his life with the man he bound himself to.

But then he immediately regrets his thoughts and feels an agonising guilt for even entertaining the idea that he could be without Scott. When it really came down to it, he couldn't imagine his life without Scott, he wouldn't be himself without his blonde counterpart keeping him grounded. That's why he was so terrified of losing Scott, because not only would he lose the love of his life which, for him, would be impossible to come back from but he would lose himself, too.

The only saving grace he had in all of this was the shining light that was Kirstin Maldonado.

Kirstin was his neighbour on the base. Her husband, Jeremy, was deployed over a year ago as well so she understood exactly how Mitch was feeling. That was one of the best parts about living on a base, everyone understood. They were all experiencing the same things together and it was comforting to know that, even though Mitch felt unbearably alone a lot of the time, there were people who could relate. He was use to the sympathy he got from civilian friends. The exaggerated frown accompanied by a small head shake that patronisingly said, "I'm sorry you're sad", so it was refreshing to be surrounded by people that just got it and didn't give him the pitying look he had come to despise.